Good Family Living

Satisfied

2011-11-17T10:54:00.001-07:00

I love this song. It holds such a deep meaning for me. I'm so good at locking up my heart, always trying to keep it from hurting. But that's no way to a happy marriage, I'll tell you. I'm grateful that our Heavenly Father saw fit to bless me with a husband who has loved me enough for (almost) 11 years while I figured out this principle of life.

Just click the play button to watch and listen. When it's over hit your escape button to get back to blogger. Enjoy!

Satisfied - Jewel - Jewel Videos

New Life

2011-10-07T15:07:00.000-06:00

A little less than 2 months ago we bred our little Maltese, Princess Bella, with another pure-bred named Killer. And last night, as she furiously tried to dig her way to China through our bedroom floor, I knew that she was close to having those puppies. Her temperature had dropped by about 2 degrees and she was nesting fervently.

Long Story Short, we now have 3 babies in the house. 1 little girl and 2 little boys, and Bella is a wonderful Mother. It was amazing to watch the process of this little doggie give birth, and as I was walking through the kitchen after rushing the kids to school, I felt a familiar, sweet, peace. I instantly recognized that feeling as the sweetness that came into our home each time we welcomed one of our own children into this world. It was the same, part of me thinks that that feeling would have been less poignant, but it wasn't. And I'm grateful today for the living testimony that three tiny little lives have reminded me of God's love of all of His creations.

Enjoy the pictures. More will come as the puppies grow. Oh yes, and they will be ready for their FOREVER homes by Christmas. :)

Princess Bella, 6 hours before delivering her first

Puppy #1 is a girl! Temporary Name: Noel

Puppy # 2 is a boy! Temporary Name: Nick
(As in St. Nick)

The Tiniest Feet I've ever loved to see.
(Mouse feet must be smaller, but I'm never happy
to see THEM.!!)

Three little babies, snuggled in tight!
Third Pup was a boy too! His Temp Name is
Elf.

Blind and Deaf at Birth, they fit right in with our
rambunctious household, lol !!

Anybody sense a great Momma here?

FYI or TMI?
Mother dogs instinctually lick their pups behinds to
stimulate their digestive system to.....
you guessed it.
Poop.

Mommy's soft fur, pups tiny feet
Miracles of New Life.

Saving the Best for Last....

2011-09-27T11:27:00.000-06:00

Hello friends and family! Whew! Time has flown by and it's hard to believe that fall is here. Our family has been busy with lots of good-for-us activities, one of which has been getting our sweet Lily adjusted to full-day kindergarten! SOOO many thanks go to the staff at Wasatch Elementary, especially our MUCH loved Principle, Suzanne Bolar - I just couldn't say enough good about her. She's always been wonderful but the past month she's taken wonderful to a whole new level.

Lots of changes are taking place. Kurt and I have decided to put our home up for sale. With many reasons behind the decision, the primary reasons come down to my feeling like our current house is just TOO BIG - too much house to take care of, as well as a desire to get out of the city. And then there are the medical bills.....ugh.

More information will follow, but for now, if you know anyone who is looking for a GREAT house on a street community straight out of the 50's, give them my contact info.

The main reason for this post is to spread the word that we will be holding a "Yard, aka, Moving, aka fundraiser Sale' this Saturday - October 3rd. While our general philosophy is to give away our surplus items, at this point we have such a stack of medical bills that we're going to give this sale our best shot and Trust God to provide.

**We are also trying to get Lily on an insulin pump. However, they cost about $8000.00 !! Our insurance will cover 80% after the deductible. Stay tuned for information about where donations can be accepted. Every cent helps!

Family Link BBQ

2011-08-06T20:24:00.000-06:00

Today we went to the Family Link BBQ that was put on by the Salt Lake City, UT chapter of the American Diabetes Association for families that have children with Type 1 Diabetes. We've been looking forward to it for over a month and it was worth the wait!!

A group of youth from the Kaysville Stake organized activities for the kids and the adults were encouraged to be, well, social :)! I was excited for the chance to meet other families that lived nearby who were dealing with what we face every day. We met a few families that live in Kaysville, but the biggest surprise was in finding two old friends and meeting their little girls who are also Type 1.

Photo Credit:
http://insulinsinvolved.blogspot.com

Josh and Melissa Lee's little girl has been diagnosed for 2 years but is Lily's age and also entering Kindergarten in a couple of weeks. Melissa and I worked together for a local orthodontist during the time that her husband was serving a mission and Kurt and I were dating, engaged and then married! Actually, I think I replaced her as she left to marry her "trwo wuv". :) Anyhow, their children are darling and I arranged a meeting near the end of the picnic for her daughter and Lily. I was hoping that if Lily saw an insulin pump on another girl like her she would be more excited at the thought of getting one. Ahhhh.....no. I was thrilled to hear about how much easier a pump can be for everyone involved, and I was thankful to Melissa for her advice and encouragement in that department. Hopefully we'll be able to focus on that area of Lily's care as we get into school and things settle down for the academic year.

Just as Lily and I were finishing with Melissa and her princess, someone else stopped me because I "looked familiar", it was Breann Stone! (spelling?) Married, of course. Her Dad, Brad Stone and my Dad grew up best friends and were groomsmen at each others' weddings. B's darling 3 year old was diagnosed just 1 1/2 weeks before Lily was (March 31st Lily). It was so fun to see each other and catch up on the whereabouts of each other's families. And the best part was hearing that they would be at the next activity - so we would see each other again.

I am as nervous as a beaver in the springtime as I think about getting Lily into Kindergarten. Juvenile Diabetes falls under the American Disabilities Act of 1973 and so we will be meeting with her Principle and other school staff to make a 504 plan for Lily's care. It's overwhelming to realize that several people at the school will need to receive extensive training to be ready to care for Lily. When I spoke to her Principle in the spring, just before school got out and right after her diagnosis I learned that there weren't any other students there with Type 1. Stress!! Guilt!! Awww, pshaw, I can stuff that guilty feeling easier than the stressful one.

Days like today are the days that God sends to remind us that there is always hope. The sun will always be above the clouds, keeping the earth alive and spinning. Though the rains will fall, there will always be something sent to warm our hearts, even during the storm. For our family Juvenile Diabetes is a rainfall that we had not seen coming on the weather channel. I'm grateful today that we were shown several more families that are choosing to don rain boots, rain coats and umbrella's to embark on a puddle-splashing adventure. :)

Nicole

Where have all the writers gone?

2011-08-02T11:28:00.000-06:00

LAUGH, out LOUD.......six weeks? Where did I go for so long? How is it possible that I just ignored my blog, facebook, and any other form of social interaction for 6 weeks?

Anxiety. Depression. Intervention. Help. Comfort. Baby Steps (think "What About Bob"). Therapy. Marriage Therapy. Loving Mentors. Inspired Bishop. Vigilant Heavenly Father. Christ's Atonement. Music. Words of wisdom. New medications. Hope. Actively Changing thinking patterns. Self-hypnosis/meditations. Acceptance. Decisions. Courage. Movement. Determination. Meekness. Humility.

If depression were a leg break,

And anxiety a cane,

I'd walk past friends and neighbors

whose swift look would know my pain.

My medicines would be just like

a marker signed so slow

As those who knew and loved me

wrote well wishes on my soul.

My healing could be seen

with just an x-ray in short time.

But the impact of life's challanges

can't be read with MRI.

So, I turn to Christ and trust in God

and hold my husbands hand

Treasure my children's smiles and laugh's

and hope they understand.

There are millions out there in the world

who suffer just like me.

The answer is to turn our eyes to

the night at Gesthemene.

For Christ, the Savior of the World

Felt all our pains and cares

This walk of life is not about how easy it should be.

The hard is there and all about what we choose to see.

As we walk the path he bravely led

Each day of his own life,

He taught us what it means to live

With grace, despite life's strife.

-Nicole Leifson Jensen

Life will bring rain, you might as well wear something
cheerful, right?!

Silly Saturday

2011-06-18T11:36:00.000-06:00

Happy Saturday!!!!!

Beautiful weather, beautiful life. Beautiful blessings, Beautiful Strife.

THAT is my poem for the day. If you were to ask my kids they would tell you that I love to speak in rhyme. I'm pretty sure that I came down with the 'rhyming condition' from watching "Barney's Mother Goose". I highly recommend it.

One of the things that I MOST appreciate finding waiting in my email inbox is anything that will make me, literally, laugh out loud. Who DOESN'T need a little more laughter in their life? My parents are the top senders and I LOVE them for it. I've often said that the one noise in life that can make just about anyone smile is the sound of a babies laughter. Or children's. Or our own.

So the question is....when was the last time you heard yourself laugh? Read the post below and then MAKE A COMMENT, ADD YOUR OWN PONDERISM, or just post 'lol'. I know you're out there. The numbers are showing me that you are reading so SAY SOMETHING......pretty please?

Ponderisms........

*I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

*The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

*There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

*Health, is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

*The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

*Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

*Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

*Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

*All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

*In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird.

Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it look normal

*How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,

but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

*Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,

"I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

*Who was the first person to say,

"See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its behind.

*Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

*Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

*******

Comment, comment, comment......come on ya'll.

It's Saturday, you have 30 seconds.

I KNOW IT :)

What Forgiveness Does NOT Require

2011-06-13T22:48:00.000-06:00

One of the subjects contained in this blog, perhaps only known to the long time readers of it, is that of childhood abuse. I have been open in the past and will continue to be open in the future when discussing the heart-wrenching subject of childhood abuse (all kinds, Physical, Sexual, Emotional, Mental and Social).

Sometimes we must watch through
the rain before we see the
RAINBOW

The dragon from my own childhood is a monster that can switch from the nice, lame dragon in 'How to Train Your Dragon' to the Biggest, meanest dragon that hides in the mountain.....at any moment. For those who were abused as children, it is a familiar story - and one that will ALWAYS, always end on a happy note, if we seek healing, strength and guidance from our Savior, Jesus Christ.

The past several weeks have been trying, to say the least. Lily's Diagnosis was devastating, and just a couple of weeks after her Dx, the Dragon from my childhood returned with a vengeance. This time, it returned as one of the night-dragon's, because, you see - I refused to acknowledge His presence. He carried the same fear of presence as "He Who Shall Not Be Named" from 'Harry Potter'.... If I didn't say his name....If I didn't even THINK his name, then I would be safe, the problem wouldn't be there, the pain wouldn't surface and I would be FINE to take care of Lily. OF COURSE! Of course this is all that I wanted, it's all that I want now. To take care of my darling (now) 5 year-old.

But my body has been doing some strange, new things. Very New. I started having physical symptoms of severe anxiety. Shaking. Flashbacks and nightmares to traumatic events in my childhood. Horrible Insomnia. Headaches, muscle spasms.

And why.

Why was my body reacting so strangely to what my mind thought of as nothing?

Why am I even writing about this right now?

Because.

Because I am a Children's Advocate.

Because I am not JUST a survivor of an abusive childhood, but an adult who is determined to CONQUER the ferocious dragon of my past.

A few visits with an inspired therapist and gifted Psychiatrist, several prayers and whispers of the Spirit later and I am beginning to understand what millions of people, just like me, have - and are - experiencing when they SUPPRESS the natural feelings that stem from traumatic events, fears and triggers to the past. It has the ability to wreak havoc on my entire being, not to mention the good things in my life. From my marriage to my mothering - these triggers and events are TRYING to cripple me.

A few Moments ago I was searching through past emails to make sure I had calendared all of my husbands meetings and conferences and extra work days for the summer when I found a letter that I had written to the family of my youth, just about a year ago. I share the closing portion, somewhat edited, to serve as a reminder of hope to myself, and to anyone else that may be needing to feel the same encouragement that our Heavenly Father will send our way - the moment we need it, in the instant that we are open to accept it.

Precious Children, we are NEVER left alone
to walk through life's most
trying places.

****************

I want to give the children in our family the tools and knowledge to win the war of good vs. evil. The first time I met with [my therapist] he said to me - "stop trying to make sense of the pain in your past. It doesn't make sense. It never will."

I forgave ****** a long time ago. The life that I lived is something I will never forget, but I've left it behind and I am choosing to not let it control today. "...letting your past run your life is like letting a caboose run a train."

I'm sure I made mistakes back then, just as I do now. But I repented of those sins and when I received my endowment at age 21 I knew that I had been forgiven of my wrongdoings. So every Sunday when I take the sacrament, I try and renew the hope that I can do better during the following week.

I just want to close this letter with two quotes that pretty much sum up what this Mama Bear has learned to the point of testimony,

"Forgiveness does not require us to accept or tolerate evil.

It does not require us to ignore the wrong that we see...

But as we fight against sin, we must not allow hatred or

anger to control out thoughts or actions." ~ Elder David E. Sorensen

"Boys [or girls] flying kites haul in their white winged birds,

but you can't do that when you're flying words.

Thoughts left unexpressed often lie back dead,

but even God can't kill them once they're said."

~Unknown, quoted by David O. McKay

I hope someday we will be a family again. Each of us has our own giants to battle and they are only for each of us to fight. I can't fight your inner battles, but I can love you, which I do. This issue is one of the giants of my life

I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for giving me the tools and strength, and when needed, humility, to fight the good fight, the best that I know how.

Love,

Nicole

"Forgiveness has nothing to do with them. It has to do with who we are and who we will become." ~Richard Paul Evans

***************

May each of us take hold of the challenge that has been given to us from a loving Heavenly Father and allow ourselves to be refined by the refiners fire.

Your loving friend and fellow blogger,

If forgiveness is about who WE will become, where's that potential held?
Is it in the magic of the night's first star or the seedlings dance on the wind?
With lowered head turned towards the SUN we find the answer o'erflowing.
The chosen one, our Savior, His name is Jesus Christ.
He's shown the way, we have only to look - and study and pray and try.
For that is where our potential is found, within, without, and above.
Copyright 2011 ~Nicole L. Jensen

The SONG of the righteous is a prayer unto ME.

2011-06-12T16:48:00.000-06:00

Sunday is the first day of the week according to the calendar. But according to the Bible, Sunday is the Sabbath Day, the Seventh day of the Creation, the day that God set aside to rest. And the day that HE gave us to worship him. Rest from OUR labors, honor him through our service to Him.

Today I woke up at 4 am. I've been having strange, flash-back kind of dreams from real events in my life and they leave me awake and disturbed and unable to get back to sleep. It's been happening a lot lately.

For years, while my children were newborns, I would be up in the middle of the night with them, and I loved it. That was the only time of the day that was free from phone calls, other children's demands, work needing to be done and places to go. It was my blessing time. The time that I could hold my sweet baby and just revel in the spirit that little person had brought into our home.

I believe that EVERY child born into this earth is born carrying the kind of love and spirit from our Father in Heaven that each of us longs to feel on a daily basis. The trouble comes when we try to find the kind of quiet that is required to really feel that Heavenly Hug that will carry us a few more step-stones on the pathway of life.

With all of the distractions in the world it is all too easy to allow our lives to become either too complacent, too complicated, or both.

Our Heavenly Father misses us. He is a jealous God, it says so in the Bible. He doesn't like to be left out of our lives and he will send us little reminders to call home - just like, I imagine, I will when my kids head off for college. One of my reminders has come in the form of insomnia, which is fine and all, but seriously.....I miss having one of those new ones to hold. So if any of my friends reading this need a break from their newborn that happens to fall at, say 3am...call me. I'm serious. Dead serious. I'll be right over and happy as a toddler in the cookie jar.

May the Lord's blessings fall upon your house this week, and may you find the time to feel a little homesick. I promise that if you notice that feeling, he'll send you a hug. I promise.

All time Low

2011-06-05T19:10:00.000-06:00

When your 4 year old tells you that she can't do something you're asking because she's "too shaky" - take that as a very bad sign.

Little hands so soft and sweet.
Stop poking them!!

Lily hit her all-time low about 45 minuets ago. 31 is a no-good-very-bad-number for diabetics, or anyone for that matter. The ironic thing is that this past week we went to her appointment and were instructed on how and when to give her a 'mini-glucogen' shot. Glucogen is what your liver dumps into your blood-stream when your in danger of, well, dying for lack of energy.

Princess's DON'T need SHOTS!

She's been resisting her shots more the past couple of weeks. It's horrible! As a Mom, All I want to do is protect my babies and give them what they need to be healthy and happy. Quite frankly, when a parent uses the term, "it's for your own good", or "this is harder for me than it is for you", most people chuckle and think about how many time their parents said that and, "gasp!!!, I can't believe I just said what I SWORE I would never say to my kids!!" So as I get her shots ready I FEEL myself saying what I used to just hear my parents say. And my words come out more like "Please honey! I'm sorry!! I KNOW it hurts, but we just have to be brave."

Don't be fooled by the age of our children.
They are young, but they are WISE.
AND, they learn (remember) quickly.

Sometimes when she asks the question, "Mommy, WHY haven't they found a cure yet?!?" I am able and prompted to seize the moment and to teach her the gospel principles behind our mortality. I tell her about the cure that will come when she's resurrected, and given a perfectly perfect body, that NEVER gets sick. But mostly, I just tell her that I don't know why because Mommy can't see eternity. Then I tell her that I love our Heavenly Father SOOO much, and that HE loves her even more than that, and that this trial is her test to show her Heavenly Father how brave she can be.

I've been so blessed, countless times, to feel the words given to me to be able to explain to my children at the youngest of ages, the most beautiful and profound principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ. To tell a four year old that Type 1 diabetes is part of her test in this life may trip us up as adults. We stop ourselves and think that this child is too young to understand such abstract principles. but that is where the mistake is made. Because the principles are not abstract at all, in fact, they are quite the opposite, they are what lies at the very center of our existence. 'God's plan of Happiness', or 'The Plan of Salvation' is the glue that formed our beings into something strong enough to place faith in an older brother (Jesus Christ) and then to take that leap of faith into the darkness of this world. Because we KNEW that we could get home again.

"Jesus KNOWS that those shots hurt honey.
He will help you be brave."

So, when a teaching moment comes - and they will come as often as we are ready for them - we can explain, "with the tongue of angels" that the reason this little girl is getting shots many times a day is because she wanted the chance to show her Heavenly Father how brave she could be, and also how much faith she could have. Knowing most four year olds, that teaching moment will most likely last as long as the questions flow. In my case, it came when Lily asked what faith meant. "You can have faith honey when you choose to believe that Jesus KNOWS what it feels like to have lots of shots. And when you choose to close your eyes and take his hand and let him help you be brave. Because he can, and he will!"

Pray Always

Don't be fooled by the fact that the end of this conversation was the last sentence above. "Careful the things you say.....children will listen..." are the words in a much loved broadway musical. They listen when the spirit of God is present.......why else would it be so hard to be patient as a parent? We all know what happens when Mom or Dad, or Grandma, Grandpa, etc. loose their patience - the teaching Spirit flies away and little devils come to play. Ooooooo! I surely, DOn't like those mean little guys. Do you?

When have you had the chance to teach a VeRy young child a gospel principle that one might initially think is over their heads? Please share!

For Sale - As of now.....

2011-06-04T22:19:00.000-06:00

$5000 ***

IKEA Billy Bookshelf

Ogden, UT 84403 - Jun 4, 2011

BUY me!!!

For Sale!!

One IKEA Billy Bookshelf, in fabulous condition, like new.

This sells for about $60 dollars new at the store. This is as good as new and already assembled ! :)

Key features

- Adjustable shelves can be arranged according to your needs.

- A simple unit can be enough storage for a limited space or the foundation for a larger storage solution if your needs change.

Product dimensions

Width: 31 1/2 "
Depth: 11 "
Height: 79 1/2 "
Max load/shelf: 66 lb

Black-Brown color. 1/2 as
wide as the white one.

$3000

IKEA Billy Bookshelf

Ogden, UT 84403 - Jun 4, 2011

This is a listing for one IKEA 'Billy' bookshelf.

Product dimensions
Width: 15 3/4 "
Depth: 11 "
Height: 79 1/2 "
Max load/shelf: 33 lb

Color_ Black Brown.

Good to know

5 shelves included.
May be used with BILLY corner hardware to form a stable corner unit.
Can be used with BILLY height extension unit in the same width for added storage vertically.
May be used with doors; available in different colors and designs.

***Save yourself time and money, buy from us and you've skipped the hardest part. NO assembly required.

$4000

High End Crib Bumper Forms, Excellent Condition!

Ogden, UT 84403 - Apr 26, 2011

Buy Me!!

This is an ad for the inserts from our crib bedding. The bedding came from a high-end boutique and the crib bumpers were only used for about 6 months.
You won't find anything this nice elsewhere. Trust me when I say that I've looked for inserts this nice and have yet to find some!
Make your own bedding for baby's nursery. Or, if you have someone wanting to make a set for you, here you go!
I'm located in Ogden but have family going south almost daily.

Thanks for looking!

PS. The bumpers are totally clean, we only used them for a few months until the little guy was moving around, so no baby bodily fluids to worry about:) You may have the covers that they came with too. They are yellow and white with cute embroidered frogs. One on each side about 3 inches in diameter, a prince and a princess.

Anybody in There????

2011-06-03T21:13:00.000-06:00

We just got a new dog. For those of you who don't know that we had to find a new family for 'Gimli' our Bull-Mastiff about 2 weeks after Lily's Dx. And now, we have a little, white, puff-ball, Maltese.

This isn't actually our 'Bella', but a good
representation of what she looks like!

I'll write more about her later, just like I WILL eventually publish Part 4 of how we found Lily's Diabetes. But tonight, suffice it to say that our new baby, "Bella" (yes Twilight, and no-I've liked the name for a long time.) is deaf. Yes, YOU HEARD me, she's Deaf.

IF it weren't for the fact that she has been deaf for quite a while I would think that she had caught whatever disease that our children have. You know the disease that I'm talking about, right? The one that causes debilitating selective hearing in children.

The worst part about that disease is that the debilitating part is only debilitating to the PARENTS. Like, NO FAIR! Ugh. It's nights like this that I just don't GET the novelty of hearing your own echo in a cave or canyon. I hear my own voice ALL the time. It's not that great. It's kind of lonely. And it's how people go INSANE.
Ladadadadadada....dooodeedodedooboppop.

Ending this post with a SHOUT OUT to my Mom's friends - The Brown Family. They've just had a second child diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. It's my worst nightmare right now and my heart aches for them. I know the guardian angles are surrounding them during this time of need, but please send prayers too. xoxoxoxo

Type 1 Diabetes - How Did We Know? Part 3 of 4

2011-04-27T22:33:00.000-06:00

Since Kurt and I had already "figured out" the bed wetting incidents and "solved" that problem (haha, NOT really), and since Lily's hunger seemed to be just another childhood growth spurt, I would have to say that this next symptom was - for me - the BIGGEST red flag. Of course, it was over several days of observation before I saw the red.....does that make any sense? Oh well, let me explain.

Skin and Bones....post 3 hrs of IV fluids + insulin

Around the time that Lily was eating so much I started to notice that she was looking thinner. Unfortunately, this observation just solidified my 'growth spurt' theory. You know how it goes....most babies have cute little chubby cheeks, and thighs, and fingers.....and then all of the sudden they start to grow. Out and UP, out and UP. And really, in this case, my Mom was the first to notice. The Sunday before Lily's diagnosis we were at my Mom and Dad's house for dinner. At some point in the evening my Mom commented, "Wow! Lily sure has thinned out quickly!" I gave her observation about 10 nano-seconds of thought, adding it to my library of observations of the Kids' behavior from the evening, and moving right along.....! It must have been that night that the hunger and her "thinning out" first started looking like more than just a growth spurt. With each day that came and went, Kurt would come home from work and at some point in the evening I would ask him "Does something seem off with Lily?" or "Look at Lily, does she look thinner to you?" It's not his fault that he didn't notice anything wrong, and that his answer to my questions was "no". The thing about Type 1 Diabetes is that the onset is sudden, and when Dad is only home for a couple of hours during the kids awake time, it would be easy to miss.

There were 2 or 3 times during these last few days before her diagnosis that Lily was unusually cranky, quiet, and lazy. At first I didn't think anything of it, but by Sunday night, and then with each day after that, I stopped asking her to do extra work. Sigh! In FACT, that Monday (March 28, 2011) during the day, just after lunch, I asked her to run down to the basement and grab Luke's blanket for nap time. "Ugh! M-O,O-M! Why do I have to be your servant?" (lol!) I gave her my, now common reply, "because you grew up! I've told you since you were a baby to stop growing up and since none of you have listened, you are now going to be my servants! :) " Well, she went downstairs to get his blanket, and right when she got up to our main floor I said, "okay! Let's go upstairs for stories!" She said, "Noooo! Up MORE stairs? I'm too tired, it's too far.!!"

It was at this point that I KNEW something was wrong. I just didn't know what it was. Anytime I asked Lily if she was feeling okay, she was just annoyed and responded with a quick, "MOM! I'm FINE!! Nothing's wrong, O-Kay?"

Moving from the ER to the 3rd floor....

Looking back now I understand what was going on during these question and answer sessions. First and most importantly, she's FOUR. Developmentally speaking, she's at the age where she's just learning to recognize her physical symptoms and then be able to put it into words. Secondly, Lily has had a pretty good case of 'third child syndrome' for a while now, and one part of that syndrome is an adamant refusal to be left - out - of - ANYTHING. Period. Most kids have to be really, really sick to willingly stay inside during playtime. Tack on the blessing of being the 3rd of 4 children and you might as well have an ox in the mire (mud-pit), an ant stuck in honey, or better yet - super-glue stuck on your fingers. You get the point, right? So, for several days she would push herself in order to participate in what was going on around the house and/or neighborhood. By Sunday she had stopped participating in the fun, but still wouldn't admit that there was anything wrong. By Tuesday morning she wasn't saying what was wrong, though I'm pretty sure that if she put her head up long enough and took her thumb out of her mouth far enough, she still may not have been able to tell me.

Our brave Lily w/ Nurse Natalie

Every day that went past made me realize more and more that there was something really wrong. She was getting thinner by the hour, she had circles under her eyes, she was sucking her thumb more all of the sudden, and carrying her blankie everywhere....and then I could count her ribs and just a few clicks forward I was counting the bumps that made her spine. On Wednesday, the 30th of March she had already spent 2 days officially 'sick' though with what I had no idea. That day she had gotten thin to the point that she weighed noticeably less when I carried her - everywhere, btw - and she didn't want to straddle, or wrap her legs around our waists when we carried her. She felt like she was going to break!

For almost 2 weeks I had watched our precious girl with a

nagging feeling that something was wrong.

Part four of our story is the best part of the story,

the part of our story where a very bad dream

is magically turned into the most beautiful miracle of our lives.

Stay tuned... :)

Type 1 Diabetes - How Did We Know? Part 2 of 4

2011-04-16T00:41:00.002-06:00

"You are STILL hungry?"

My eyes would pop out of my head as I turned to look at my husband,

who's eyes would then pop out of HIS head!

"Have a drink of water honey, you are probably thirsty ." Then,

"Honey, did you know it takes your body 20 minutes to know that it's full?"

Of course, NOW I know why she was so hungry. But during the middle of March all I could think was "How on EARTH are we going to be able to afford to FEED these kids (we have four total) at the rate they are eating?" Laughing Out Loud now, but the Sunday before Lily's Dr's appt and subsequent diagnosis I had drawn some (deeply profound ;) analogy during the Sunday School lesson about how God knows how much or how little we need and how he'll take care of us. Lol! I commented on how many times Kurt and I had exclaimed to each other during the previous weeks about how MUCH FOOD our little munchkins are eating.

"Eat Slower kids!"

"Make sure you start with a nice glass of water!"

"No grazing guys!" (that one's been around for a long time)

"Remember, if you get DoWn from the table, that means you are finished eating, so make sure you're full! Because you can't get down to play and then come back later for more."

Unusual hunger is another one of the symptoms of Type 1 diabetes. The trick is in figuring, or realizing that a child's hunger may be something MORE than a looming growth spurt. In fact, while Lily HAD been eating quite a bit a mealtimes, AND grazing so much that it had become an issue, the thought that her hunger was linked to Type 1 diabetes never even crossed my mind! Lily has an older sister who is 9 and an older brother who is 7 and as all parents know, kids eating patterns ebb and flow.....like the moon (soooo poetic huh? ;) But seriously, they do! Sometimes they'll eat next to nothing for several days - and that may be due to a growth spurt or perhaps due to a mild cold....any number of things.

The day that Lily was diagnosed was Thursday, March 31, 2011. Her doctors appointment was at 5:30 pm and we were looking forward to going to my Grandma's 80th birthday party which was at 6 pm. (A very COOL 80 year old btw - she texts her grand kids :) When I tucked Lily into bed for her nap, she told me she was going to sleep for a l-o-n-g time so she would have fun at Grandma Rini's birthday party. When the PA came in and told us to head straight for Primary Children's MC ER Lily burst into tears! Not because she was going to the hospital, but because she'd just heard that we wouldn't be going to the party!!

Of course, we had to drop her 3 siblings off to my parents, who were at the Birthday party. So we took that chance to give Grandma her gift, have my Dad and Kurt give her a blessing, and get her something to eat. At this point in our story, the knowledge that I had about Lily's disease was quite limited, and some of what I knew was just plain wrong. When it came to eating, I was thinking that whatever Lily ate on the way to the hospital would be her "Last Meal".

"She had diabetes, that means no more sugar!" But boy was she hungry! She ate a huge hamburger, and a mini cheesecake, then since she asked for Mom's cheesecake, I gave that one to her too. "Poor girl, she'll never have another cheesecake..."

In the end, I was wrong about all of it. Her hunger wasn't just a growth spurt - And - those little cheesecakes were not the last treats she would eat. I would come to realize over the next 10 days that most of what I knew about diabetes centered around the most recent research concerning Type 2 Diabetes. Type 2 Diabetes has been around for decades.

Click Here to see a timeline of the history of Diabetes.

However, the differences in Type 1 and Type 2 - and did you know there is a Type 1.5 ? - are huge. The reason we are hearing so much about Type 2 is because the number of adults and children who suffer from this variation of Diabetes has reached epidemic proportions. Also, there is a lot that can be done to prevent Type 2 onset. "Prevention is the best medicine", or so they say. And why not!

When it comes to Type 1 Diabetes though, for now, we don't have the *causes, *preventions, and *cure. The greatest hope for a cure lies in the research that has been done on Stem Cells, and more specifically, Embryonic Stem Cells. The obvious debate on both political and moral platforms has stalled progress on finding THE CURE. No worries though, stalled progress does not equal stalled HOPE. What we DO know about Type 1 is that there seems to be a strong genetic factor. And the best news is simply that we know WHAT is going on, and we know HOW to both Monitor and Manage a child's blood glucose levels.

So, to wrap up.... Lily was hungry. Really, really hungry. She would eat, and be SO full, but then come back for more. Her body was lacking the insulin needed to grab the sugar out of her blood & feed the rest of her body. So her body sent signals to her brain, and to her tummy, that it needed MORE.

I found this video a couple of days ago. With all of the learning, concentrating, organizing, watching, monitoring and nursing that I've participated in during the past two weeks, I haven't found, or taken the time to cry. There were a few moments in the hospital that the tears tried to edge their way out, but I was afraid that if I started, I wouldn't be able to stop! It's been much better for me to be able to put my efforts into everything that is required from day to day - but when I found this video, I lost it. I'm grateful that I found it during nap time so Lily or Luke didn't have to see me cry. The hesitation before each shot, and poke - the pale face and limp little body, the brave little girl who told me yesterday during EVERY single needle jab that she "doesn't WANT to have diabetes!" Not with a whine. Just a tender, child-like statement that carried with it all of the humility, meekness and willingness to submit to the trials of this life that our Savior exemplified during His life. She's my hero. And I'm one lucky Mom.

Type 1 Diabetes - How Did We Know? Part 1 of 4

2011-04-06T12:11:00.001-06:00

Lily Eva Jensen!! Abt. 2 months ago.

One of the most common questions that we have been asked during the past few days is, "How did she get sick so suddenly", and "How did you know something was wrong?" Yesterday I started texting the answer to this question to a friend but stopped halfway through, telling her that I would finish the answer on my blog. It was much to long for a text, plus, this way, I could answer the golden question once.

*********

A quick 'google' search could easily take you to a dozen medical websites with pretty much the same list of symptoms. Beginning with the most commonly recognized and prominent traits - Excessive thirst and increased urination.

This symptom showed up in Lily around 2 weeks before we finally took her into the doctor, but to say that our first thought was diabetes would be FaR, fAr from the truth! (unfortunately:( ) But, like most parents, any symptom or problem is usually addressed through the process of elimination. In Lily's case, around the time of March 24th Lily began asking for more and more water. We had a conversation about gulping, which just seems funny, looking back at it. She was gulping her water and I taught her about swallowing air and how that could give her a tummy ache. Also, we discussed Princess Manners, and gulping water or slurping soup certainly didn't fit the bill!

Over the next several days Lily had 3 or 4 instances where she wet the bed. This was surprising to all of us since she had never had an accident and had been potty trained for years! When I asked Lily what happened she said she didn't know, "Mommy, my body didn't even TELL me to go potty, but I woke up and my bed was wet :( ". As parents, we looked at these incidents and saw two possible causes. First, she was obviously drinking too much water at bedtime. "Sigh! these kids... " we thought, "will they NEVER stop finding excuses to get out of bed?!!!" Second, the toilet right next to the kids rooms was out of order. I wondered if the journey down the hallway and into Mom and Dad's room was a bit intimidating for a four year old.

To solve these two problems we first drew a limit to how much water she could take to her nightstand - ONE 16 oz. cup should be plenty for anyone, we said. (Of course, NOW, I feel horribly guilty for restricting her water. I could almost cry!) Secondly we put a nightlight in the hallway, made sure the books from bedtime reading were picked up off the floor, and left a light on in our bathroom so that she could easily see the pathway. Ugh! Guilt!!! But, at the time, the problem seemed obvious and our solutions worked. No more accidents, though she asked for water immediately after she woke up and all throughout the day.

Hindsight is 20/20. Looking back it seems so clear! But two+ weeks ago this tell-tale symptom of Type 1 Diabetes seemed to have both obvious origins and easy solutions. If Lily had been an only child, these night-time wetting occurences, as well as the onset of the symptoms would have surely stood out - maybe even being alarming. However, Lily is one of FOUR kids - which makes for a very busy household. Her younger brother was diagnosed with food allergies to milk, peanuts, and eggs six months ago also. Needless to say, it took some time for her symptoms to become well defined pieces of her diagnostic puzzle.

Part 1 ? I know, I know! Why on earth can't I find the time to type out an entire book about the past three weeks? Or maybe the question is why would it even take a book? Lol! Well, I'm a writer, a reader, and a talker - so put those three things together via blog and what you get is my thoughts written out for you (and in the future, Lily) to read! More time? Well, for now - I have about 5 minutes to hop in the shower before Lily's next blood check and lunch. Thinking I should seize the moment, sniff, sniff.... ;)

Happy 4th Birthday 6/9/10

Blankie # 2 via Grandma Susan's Magic Blankie Machine!

**A few minutes ago Lily and Luke were getting ready to go out front and play in the sunshine with their Daddy. I asked Lily how she was feeling, and she said "Fine....but I still have diabetes huh Mom?" I smiled and said "yes honey, you will always have diabetes, for the rest of your life." to which she said "Unless we find the cure! Mommy, maybe if I eat 100 bananas that will work for the cure! What do you think?!!!!!" I think.......BRING IT!!!! Oh yeah! We will find a cure, you betcha!!

Juvenile Diabetes - Type 1

2011-04-04T21:42:00.000-06:00

It's been quite the past few days. This past Thursday at 5:30 PM we took our girls to the Doctor and were immediately sent with Lily down to Primary Children's Medical Center in Salt Lake City. (aprox. 40 minutes South of here). You know how the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20? Well, the time that it took to drive to the Emergency Room was just enough to begin the process of putting several pieces of Lily's puzzle together. Right now Kurt and I are franticly working to learn about how to care for this little girl who so quickly became seriously ill. With all that there is to do, and learn, the miracle of God's hands in our lives has been so evident that I can honestly say I have more to be grateful for than ever before. Is this a life changing development? Yes. But at the forefront of every moment is hope. Hope, and gratitude. Gratitude for the medical and technological advances that have made Juvenile Diabetes into a disease that can be monitored and manages. Twenty or Thirty years ago Lily's diagnosis would have been frightening - a life filled with uncertainty. But now, so much has changed, not only in the way of medical developments but also in the way of Patient and Family support.

The first long night at the hospital was surreal. We must have seen half a dozen doctors and even more nurses. But it wasn't until around midnight when a nurse was telling me about all of the organizations dedicated to Type 1 Diabetes: Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, The American Diabetes Association, Children with Diabetes, and the Foundation for Children and Youth with Diabetes - which is a CAMP for kids. That one sentence, "They even have summer camps just for children with type 1 Diabetes" was the sentence that hit me at the core. Summer Camp? Like, meaning, she couldn't go to any normal camp, so they have camps just for her?

I have so much more to say, and write - about the dozens of miracles, the disease itself, the unexpected impact on our other kids, and the way these things resolve. But for now, I'm off to bed. With good news though -

Lily's Blood Glucose just tested within her normal range!!!

Wahoo!!!!

Natalie Grant - Held

2011-03-23T11:12:00.001-06:00

One of the things that has brought a great amount of joy into my life, and my family's during the past couple of months has been the discovery of several musicians.

Ingrid Michaelson's upbeat, folksy tunes have burned their way into my head,

my husbands head, and even my kids heads.

JJ Heller found me late one night as I was browsing iTunes via my iPod Touch. One of her songs in particular was especially meaningful to me on that night - 'What Love Really Means' - sung of a prisoner who, finally, after many, many years, had found the humility to call upon our Savior. "Now that you're listening..." the Savior said. The message of the song pierced my heart as I, too, have loved and prayed for a prisoner, and have rejoiced as he has heard the Saviors message of unconditional love. And though there are still many, many people who are falsely accusing him of murder, and judging his family alongside him - The Saviors message of knowing a person completely, brings peace, and hope for peace, and love.

And that brings me to Natalie Grant.

How have I missed her all of these years?

And I can't even remember how I found her but I did,

Or rather, she was shown to me as a love note from my Heavenly Father.

I've described the feeling of being held by Him

hundreds of times in my life. Maybe thousands.

And she put it into words and music in a way that only she could.

She wrote the song for a friend who had lost a baby.

But the message applies to whatever crisis life brings that causes everything to fall around us.

THIS is what it means to be

'Held'.

Forgiveness.....

2010-11-30T13:24:00.001-07:00

Last night was family night.

Sometimes it's great

Sometimes it's a battle - like it was last night.

We ended up writing letters

Santa.

Because Santa wants to have Christmas ready early this year.

Everyone went right to work

Except for my oldest,

Eden.

Who got tears in her eyes

and wouldn't write anything down

but asked if she could

"talk to me alone for a minute"

I motioned for her to come whisper it in my ear

She shook her head no, and told me it wasn't that kind of

talking.

Uh-oh.

I looked at Hottie Husband

with terror in my eyes.

And 20 minuets later when the rest of us were finished

and I was headed

upstairs

to talk.

I pulled him aside and told him

that I was worried!!!

Worried that

SHE

KNEW.

NO!!!!

NO!!!!!

This was the third time that the subject Santa Clause

had come up and

it was the third time that Eden had left the room

in TEARS.

And now..............

She was going to ask me

F L A T - O U T

"What am I going to tell her??????"

He calmly says,

(with a smile on his face)

"Just tell her the truth!"

MOAN, UGH, NOOOOOOO!!!!

I can handle having the final portion of

"the talk"

in regards to how the sperm gets to the egg.

I can handle buying the first bra.

I'm handling the estrogen-fed hormonal reactions pretty well.

BUT

I am NOT ready to admit how those stockings get filled on

Christmas Eve.

We sat on my bed

like we had many, many, MaNY times before

and I braced myself.

"Mom,"

she started....with tears following close behind

"Mom, I....I....I don't think I can ask Santa for anything this year because I've been doing a LOT of things that I should do, and I mean a LOT. And I haven't told you any of them - so I've been naughty and I deserve a lump of coal.....sob!!!"

Silence.

JOY!!!!!!!

Relief!

JOY!

Ahem......Nico-le.....come back to earth please.....

Oh,

right.

!!!

So I took my firstborn angel into my arms

and let her tell me all about it.

And she was right.

It WAS bad.

Horrible, actually.

She had an actual hiding place for her candy

so she could eat it in the basement.

Food is not allowed out of the kitchen in our home.

30 minuets later we said goodnight

and she headed off to the room that she shared with her sister

to apologize

for not being nicer.

And to put into practice her first big lesson

about

repentance,

and forgiveness,

and about that yucky feeling that comes

from the spirit

when we've made a bad choice,

or 2 or 3.

That "Yucky Feeling"

It was a beautiful teaching moment.

My prayers that night were filled with gratitude.

Grateful that THAT day,

I had been in tune enough with the Spirit

to be able to teach

instead of rolling my eyes.

Grateful that She had been sent to our family

first. to bless me. to bless her siblings.

And grateful that She

Believes.

In HIM

And yes -

In Santa too - who celebrates HIS birth by giving.

Greg Olsen art.

Forgiveness.

It's not always easy

or clear cut.

The scriptures teach us a lot about forgiveness

But through most of our life, we learn about forgiveness

throughout each day.

As we extend forgiveness freely

to those who may never ask for it,

and to those, whose tender innocence really never needed it.

We learn about forgiveness

as others allow Christ's mercy to flow through their hearts

and into ours.

And we learn

so painfully

that being left alone to suffer

because of someones refusal to forgive

is akin to

being left alone in a room full of

mirrors.

Each one distorted into some

unrecognizable shape.

So we close our eyes

and look inward

to our heart.

And we keep our eyes closed.

closed to those who may hate us

or judge us

or simply misunderstand us

And our HEART

becomes our EYES

that set our sight inwards and upwards

towards

Our Savior.

Because

HE FORGIVES.

******

"Forgiveness has nothing to do with them. It has to do with who we are and who we may become."

Richard Paul Evans in 'The Timepiece'

*******

We must forgive those who hurt us. The reason is simple: Bitterness and unforgiveness are claws that set their hooks deep in our hearts; they are chains that keep us held captive to the wounds and the messages of those wounds. Until you forgive, you remain their prisoner. Paul warns us that unforgiveness and bitterness can wreck our lives and the lives of others (Eph. 4:31; Heb. 12:15). We have to let them go.

Forgive as Christ has forgiven you. (Col 3:13)

Now - listen carefully. Forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling - don't try and feel forgiving. It is an act of the will. "Don't wait to forgive until you feel like forgiving," wrote Neil Anderson. "You will never get there. Feelings take time to heal after the choice to forgive is made . . ." We allow God to bring the hurt up from our past, for "if your forgiveness doesn't visit the emotional core of your life, it will be incomplete." We acknowledge that it hurt, that it mattered, and we choose to extend forgiveness to our father, our mother, those who hurt us. This is not saying, "It didn't really matter"; it is not saying, "I probably deserved part of it anyway." Forgiveness says, "It was wrong. Very wrong. It mattered, hurt me deeply. And I release you. I give you to God."

It might help to remember that those who hurt you were also deeply wounded themselves. They were broken hearts, broken when they were young, and they fell captive to the Enemy. They were in fact pawns in his hands. This doesn't absolve them of the choices they made, the things they did. It just helps us to let them go - to realize that they were shattered souls themselves, used by our true Enemy in his war against femininity.

Stasi and John Eldredge in 'Captivating'

************

Teaching Our Children

2010-11-28T14:15:00.002-07:00

If there was one quality of mine that has served as both a blessing and a curse, it is my amazing ability to speak my mind. Clearly. Straightforward. When I speak with kindness, I've been able to lift and bless, love and nurture those in my life. When my tounge has been faster than my mind and heart and reason, well - let's just say that the term "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is SO not true. As I've grown older, and especially since marrying my sweetheart 10 years ago, I've tried to reign in the curse part of my quick wit and mouth and just, well, shut it when needs be.
With my children, I've been particularly sensitive to not just my WORDS but also the TONE and volume of my voice. One of our favorite sayings around our house is: "It's not what you say, but how you say it."

Sometimes we need to give ourselves a few minutes, or a few days, before responding to a situation to make sure that when we answer, we are giving the answer that we really mean and want to give. I'm so grateful for the Spirit that can let me know when to SAY it and when to let it go.

Today is Sunday and I'm home from church with our oldest daughter, who is recovering from her toncscilectomy. Everyone else is gone. It's snowing outside. And I'm DYING to do some work around the house. Just the usual stuff, re-arrange the furniture, a little paint here, a little wall-paper there, etc. etc. etc. After getting the rest of the family off to church the itch to DO intensified and I could feel this nagging irritation creeping into my soul. I was getting cranky! For no apparent reason. But the Spirit quickly reminded me that I hadn't had the time to pray and read from the scriptures yet. So I did. It was amazing - I read, like THREE chapters (yes, chapters, not just verses). That NEVER happens. And THEN, after tending to my daughters needs, I was able to flip through and read TWO talks from conference. WHOA!

I know, I know......you might think that I'm making this up, but I promise I'm not. There was just so much QUIET around here. I came across my Relief Society Lesson Schedule and saw that my lesson for next month is --------"The Sabbath Day". Whoa? Oh, yeah. And then, as if it weren't obvious enough the last conference talk that I read was this one:

Click HERE to read or listen to "Stay on the Path"

And the top quote of the talk (for me?) :

"The world will teach our children if we do not, and children

are capable of learning all the world will teach them at a very

young age. What we want them to know five years from now

needs to be part of our conversation with them today. Teach

them in every circumstance; let every dilemma, every

consequence, every trial that they may face provide an

opportunity to teach them how to hold on to gospel truths."

This would be one of the blessing parts of my talk, talk, talk, talking. My children know a lot. NO, I'm not bragging - I promise. But part of my testimony as a Mother is that the above quote is 100% true. In 5 years, my oldest daughter will be turning 14. (ahhhhh!) My oldest son will be turning 12. So, we can teach our children every single part of the plan of salvation from the earliest age. Not only by talking to them, but by our examples. And when we make mistakes, which I happen to do every day, the best thing that I can do is to TALK via. acknowledging that I messed up and that I was wrong.

It's difficult to internalize the fact that if we are constantly talking to our children through our days - good and bad. If we share with them our inner struggles, our plan of attack to come out on Christ's side, and then tell them when we come through. They will learn. They will learn that "Parenting With LOVE and Logic" is how our Heavenly Father parents us also.

So, back to my "dilemma" in the first paragraph. No painting today. Please excuse me while I go play with legos. :)

Wills and Kate!

2010-11-21T22:06:00.000-07:00

What is it about the British Royalty that has

the world, including

Americans

So enthralled?

Last night I did my dreaded shopping trip

to Costco.

Before checking out I flipped through

People Magazine

and read the article about the

"official betrothal"

Prince William

and

Kate Middleton.

Sigh.

I remembered back to when I heard

the news that

Princess Diana

had died in a car accident.

I cried for days.

I was glued to the tv and newspapers.

And then watching her boys walk behind

her casket.

It was so sad.

So tonight, as I was thinking about this

new "royal" engagement,

my final thought was this -

We are all royalty.

For real.

What would the world be like if we remembered that

ALL the TIME?

Would we feel so much joy

at each marriage?

That was quite a thought.

I'm still thinking about that one.

And they lived Happily Ever After.....
(Even if it was crazy)

************************

PS.

My last post wasn't about any ONE person.

It was as much about myself as anyone.

I wrote it after Kurt had come home from work

an hour late.

And I was upset - felt SO justified feeling that way.

But then, when I picked up my son

from a friends house

also an hour late

And I could tell that she was upset,

I felt like a schmuk,

but there was a part of me that thought she

should understand that I did the best I could

and SHE shouldn't be upset.

But I COULD be upset?

Uh-huh.

No-one is perfect.

I suppose that if I had put the last post in gospel terms

it would have started like this:

All we, like sheep, have gone astray.....

Hypocrite, shmypocrite.....

2010-11-17T20:26:00.000-07:00

Seriously?

SERIOUSLY?

I LOVE how our entire perspective of

LIFE

and

LOVE

and

LIARS

can change from one day to the next.

What a joke.

What a FREAKING joke.

Good Family Living

What is it?

Well,

for us

it was living for 9 years

thinking one side of the family

was "functional"

and the other side,

"disfunctional"

Then,

KA-POW!!!!!

Let's just switch things up a bit,

try that one on for size.

R I G H T.

Judge here

Don't judge here

Forgive here

Don't forgive here

Love here

but

Don't love here

Learn from THIS situation

but not this one.

Be patient tonight,

but not tomorrow night.

Like I said.

One

Really

BIG

Joke.

Just don't forget

whilst living this humongous

JOKE

that

Laughter is the best medicine.

PS. My firstborn princess is having her tonsils out tomorrow. She's really excited about all of the ice-cream and popsicles she gets to eat. And I feel like I'm going to cry and throw-up at the same time.

*Pray that she'll be brave and not have any complications.

*Pray that her complicated Mother will be brave too.

Please.

Thanks.

Happy Monday....TGIM!

2010-11-15T16:44:00.001-07:00

Call me crazy,

but

I LOVE Mondays.

Something about getting back to the

routine.

School Days especially bring

structure and

consistency

That my kids crave as much as I do.

This morning the oldest 2 kids were late

because (I think) they thought

I was joking when I said to get dressed.

But then,

my two babies

(2 1/2 and 4 1/2 lol)

and I went to run some errands.

They were blissful

because they always want to

in the morning.....

"NO! go home Mommy!"

So,

we hit the Dr's office

to pick up a prescription

then we watched

Krispy Kreme MAKE their doughnuts

(we've never actually seen the 'HOT' sign on)

And my princess was singing the whole time

and telling me that I'm the bestest Mommy

in the EVER world :)

I vacillated between

'Kid to Kid',

'D.I.'

or 'Savers' to look for size 7slim

jeans for my oldest boy.

We went to 'Savers'

It was my first, and last time in their store.

Ugh.

But the good news was that they sold

Silly Bands for only $2.00

The man in front of us had $300.00 worth of STUFF

in his cart.

We waited for 20 minutes for our turn

and my baby boy spent the whole time

moving the silly bands from

one display hanger to the other.

I was quite impressed with his amazing dexterity!

That little hole in the top of the package was

no big deal.

Call me crazy,

but I'm head over heels in love with

these kids.

And their Dad.

And now, I'm off to pick up the big kids from school

I won't be the bestest Mommy anymore

because I'll make them do

HOMEWORK.

But that's okay too,

I'm still gaga over them.

Even when I feel like sending them

BACK

to school, tonight around, say -

7 pm.

One of those days...

2010-11-12T14:02:00.002-07:00

YOU are Beautiful!!!

2010-11-10T11:01:00.000-07:00

If there was one thing that I took away from my "Heart of the Woman" retreat, it was a newly expanded, life changing understanding of WHO Eve is, and how we, as her daughters are BEAUTIFUL.

Watch and Listen. Forget the world. Ignore the voice of the adversary that is telling you today that you aren't good enough, fast enough, productive enough, pretty enough, thin enough, tough enough or tender enough. You are EVERYTHING. So, as the scripture says,

Matt 11:28-30

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden,

and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me;

for I am meek and lowly in heart:

and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Life is hard, and we make it harder for ourselves and for our families when we try to DO IT BY OURSELVES. But when we take even 5 minuets to sit and pray and read HIS words in the scripture, we are more likely to believe the message that is in this song-and our eyes turn in the direction of our Savior. He becomes our light for the day and will show us what our priorities need to be. Laundry? Maybe. Holding a child? Probably. Calling about that med. bill? Returning the Library books? Calling that friend whose name keeps coming to mind? Who knows.

HE does. So join me in giving the day to our Savior.

It is then that we become a tool in His Hand

and OUR burden becomes light.

Talk, talk, talk, talk, TALK

2010-11-07T13:20:00.000-07:00

Okay

Let's be honest for a moment here.

I've noticed a lot of

Silence

since my last post.

Quiet.

Shhhhhhh.

It's happened before,

like when I've talked about

Post Partum Depression,

sad days

or struggles.

Quiet

Awkward silence.

Not the kind of quiet that I'm looking for.

I understand.

You Don't know what to say

You think:

"I can't believe she said THAT.......

that subject is taboo.

Too painful to hear about

or to talk about.

WHAT do I SAY??"

My answer is this,

If it draws your eyes towards Heaven

And makes you remember WHO you are

If it gives HOPE to another

Or TESTIFIES of HE who has gotten you this far.

Open your heart to the SAVIOR

And open you mouth to lift another...

ANYTHING
or
NOTHING
You could always pray, or sing.

When I went to my "Heart of a Woman" retreat that was based on

Stasi Eldredge's Book - 'Captivating'

There was a lot of talking

34+ women,

No kids or cell-phones

TALK about TALKING!

But we had rules

Because we were there to find Christ and there to heal.

This is what I had written in my notes:

When visiting - stay in the message of HOPE.

Take the anger and complaints to GOD and allow HIM to teach and instruct you.

Stay in the Present Moment.

Not the guilt of the PAST

Or the uncertainty of the FUTURE.

Hope.

Our Children NEED us to talk

And talk and talk and talk

And talk.

Of Hope.

A song to talk about:

How will they know, the ones for whom we care,

That God is love and with us ev’rywhere,

That life is good, with blessings all can share?

How will they know unless we teach them so?

How will they learn that, though they go astray,

God will forgive and help them find the way?

How will they feel the Spirit day by day?

How will they know unless we teach them so?

How will they grow in wisdom and delight?

How will they choose to follow what is right?

How can they trust the future will be bright?

How will they know unless we show them?

How will they live when they at last are grown?

What will they give to children of their own?

Will they reflect the values we have shown?

How will they know, as on through life they go?

How will they know unless we strive to teach them so?

Words: Natalie W. Sleeth, 1930–1992

"Captivating"

2010-11-01T22:43:00.000-06:00

Don't you hate it when you start a blog entry and then it's weeks or months before you get back to it? Talk about annoying - and telling. Like it's the story of my life. Start, stop. Start, stop. But hey! At least when I change the babies diaper, I actually FINISH that one!

The past 6 months have flown by for better or worse. They were, quite truly, the loneliest months of my life. Alone. Or so I thought.

It's the adversary's plan to make us feel alone, because when we feel alone,

those other dark feelings - hopeless, despondent, etc. - can take root in our hearts and crowd out the roots of faith that were planted there a long time ago.

And for me, it was a feeling unlike anything I've ever experienced. I didn't have an easy childhood. I had a privileged childhood, but there were dark things going on in my life, things that were out of my control, painful - no - intensely painful things that my sweet parents didn't see. That part of my life is behind me, but it's necessary to mention because what I have to say next means so much more if one knows that I spent most of my childhood scared and hurting, yet never alone.

I've said it dozens of times - I've felt like I've spent my entire life safe in my Heavenly Fathers' hand. No matter what was going on around me, I knew that HE was there. I ALWAYS knew. I felt Him. I knew that He knew me - intimately. Even when the world around me was falling apart, I felt Him there. And when I was in my post-HS dating years, a.k.a. 'searching for a husband' mode, I felt as though I were resting in his huge, all-knowing, unconditional loving hand, guiding me from and through each dating situation. Always telling me, always guiding me gently away until the day that my, now husband, and I became friends.

Dating Kurt was so different than dating any of the other (amazing) guys that I had dated. It was so effortless, so right. It was so obvious that my Heavenly Father was quietly showing me that this guy, the guy that rode his mountain bike 20 miles + for fun, was the person with whom I could trust my heart. And so I did. That was 10 years ago. And they have been GOOD years. They've been years that have been filled with trials I never would have imagined, but we've survived. Yep! We've survived, but only just.

Life is hard, that's just the way it is - and eventually we will all be faced with a battle that will either cripple us or refine us. For some of us it may be a life long event, for others it may be a tragedy that strikes with out warning, but it will come. And when it does, well, may Heaven help us.

My crippling blow came this past April after a full year of chronic, debilitating pain from endometriosis. It came after one unsuccessful surgery in December, and another drudgery - a full, complete, yank-it-all-out hysterectomy. It came aprox. 4-5 weeks into my recovery. As if that weren’t enough to pull me down - it did beat me WAY down, and then the crippling blow came. It came by way of a young family member choosing to hurt my youngest daughter in the very way that I had sworn to myself would never happen. What followed was 3 months of an intense spiritual and emotional attack on our family. My daughter, who was 3 1/2 at the time saw a counselor and was given strong physical and vocal support from my husband, children and myself. The very fact that she told, not only me, but my oldest daughter and son as well, what had happened is a testimony to the tender mercies of a loving Heavenly Father. She is doing well and will continue to do so. I, on the other hand, was sustained throughout her healing but by the time we were through with everything, the emotional stress had put me over the top. A person can only take so much pain, and I had reached my limit. My heart locked. Closed to everyone, and for the first time in my life, I felt truly alone.

When situations came up with extended family, situations that would require ANY amount of "heart-effort" I couldn't do it. I turned the other way and in some instances RAN the other way. In the past, I've always been able to muster some semblance of a reply, even when my heart was throbbing with the kind of pain that reminds a person that our hearts are an actual, living organ -not just a metaphor for the receptacle of our feelings. I avoided everyone. Parents, siblings, parents-in-law, siblings-in-law, neighbors, strangers, and - yes - even God. The spot in my chest that used to be the receptacle of all of my feelings, was now just a muscle that kept the blood moving throughout my body. I thought about 'Bella' in Twilight, during her transformation. (I know, I know - lame to anyone who hasn't read the books, but whatever :) She was in total agony and yet no one around her knew it. Now, I'm pretty sure that my family knew I wasn't dead too, but they probably just thought I was psychotic or cranky or both...

Either way, I was dead. I needed a miracle. A longing for one throbbed all within the one shred of dead hope that lay in the deepest chamber of my cold, empty heart.

Who am I NOW? Growing up I was a Child of God, He adored me, He LOVED me. Then I became a Daughter of God - oh the potential! The gifts that he had in store for me! Marriage, love, motherhood. I knew what my goals were, I knew that he had a plan for me and in the beginning I trusted 110% in that plan. - but then 10 years and 4 babies later I came to a dead end. No more babies for me?! oh! but they are growing up, they are preparing (as they need to) to leave me, then what?

Who am I now? I’m not a child anymore, and with every passing birthday I have become less and less of a young woman. So I am a woman. But what does that MEAN?

When I thought about this question my answers came in the form of ‘to-do-lists’, places to go, callings to fulfill, people to take care of. My answers were my never-ending list of obligations and responsibilities. Is THAT really all there is to being a woman?

There are tons of examples of women out there. But I didn’t know where to turn, I didn’t even have the energy of heart to look anymore - because looking had so often resulted in pain....

“So--is a true woman Cinderella or Joan of Arc? Mary Magdalene or Oprah? How do we recover essential femininity without falling into the stereotypes, or worse, ushering in more pressure and shame upon our readers.? That is the last thing a woman needs. And yet, there is an essence that God has given to every woman. What is at the core of a woman’s heart? What are her desires? What did we long for as little girls? What do we still long for as women? And how, does a woman begin to be healed from the wounds and tragedies of her life?

Sometime between the dreams of your youth and yesterday, something precious has been lost. And that treasure is your heart, your priceless feminine heart. God has set within you a femininity that is powerful and tender, fierce and alluring. No doubt it has been misunderstood. Surely it has been assaulted. But it is there, your true heart, and it is worth recovering. You are captivating.”

‘Captivating’ by John and Stasi Eldredge pg. x

One day one of my dearest friends, and my surrogate Mother/ mentor knocked at the door. She had been mentioning to me that she had a ‘gift’ to give me but had not given me any indication of what that gift was. As she sat next to me on our couch, she took my hands in hers and told me, the our Heavenly Father had a gift that He wanted me to have. She told me that part of that gift was to be pampered and taken care of in a beautiful luxury home overlooking Pineview Reservoir for 3 days. No cell phones, no children, no spouses, nothing. She told me that I was to be nourished physically and spiritually. And that’s all she told me. She kept hinting at this book I needed to read, but she was tiptoeing around the subject enough that I didn’t press it. This angel of mine is so in tune to the Voice of the Spirit and I felt sure that if the Lord wanted me to have “the book” before the retreat, then I would. In the end, I didn’t have the book until the last part of the retreat. The Lord knows me so well, he knew that I needed to heal my heart, not read a book.

As this friend started talking, within 10 seconds flat, I felt like my chest was being squeezed, crushed, and filled all at the same time. I felt pain in that place where my heart had been and tears were pouring out of my eyes. That heart was still locked TIGHT. But the Spirit of our Heavenly Father was there, and to me it said “I’m still here sweetheart. You are not alone. I’m still here. Let me take care of you. This is my gift for you. It will be okay.” That stifling feeling in my heart was filled with the overwhelming thought of “What? THREE days, ALL TO MYSELF?” I haven’t had that much time alone since becoming a Mom. Unless you count the time in the hospital as a ‘break’ lol. And then there was the feeling that the pain that was being held behind the door of my heart was trying to burst through, and that thought scared me. I was sure I couldn’t take any more pain. I couldn’t be strong anymore, so I gingerly stepped back into my Fathers hand and held on for dear life.

A Woman’s Journey

Then the time came when the risk it took

To remain tight in a bud was more painful

Than the risk it took to blossom.

~Anais Nin

The Caboose

2010-08-12T21:52:00.001-06:00

"Life is what happens when you make plans." You've heard that one before, right? Me too. But I'm only just now learning about that crazy little think we call LIFE.

Life is not a cake-walk, or a slice of pie, a piece of cake or a joy-ride. Haha!

We are all SO good at allowing our lives to play out along the scripted page. And by scripted - I mean, literally, the spoken word. You know, say the right thing, keep the eternal perspective - or maybe just give out one of those seminary answers - "Pray, read the scriptures, go to church or follow the prophet."

My question, the one I will be answering in my next few posts is this:

If we are here on this earth to "prove ourselves" to God, if we are living this life and making choices that - we believe - will help us return to our heavenly home, and if we are supposed to have JOY during the process. How, in the name of reality, is that even possible? Especially if we are following the scripted page.

Is it possible? Is it really, really possible to find joy in our journey AND stay in the drama club that consists of our friends and families. (Oh! THAT Drama! LOL )

I believe that it IS possible. To an extent. And so this is the thought that I'll leave for any random readers (or future grandchildren :) to ponder, until the next time I'm alert enough to put my thoughts down in type AND the kids are ALL asleep .

".....letting your PAST run your LIFE is like letting a CABOOSE run a train."

PS. If you haven't already joined the GOOD fight to support a local SLC cookie shop, click the link below and use a few of those 'precious' internet moments for a bit of good :)

Save "My Dough Girl" from the Dough boy BULLY!!

Dr Laura

2010-07-03T15:45:00.000-06:00

During my browsing last week at a local yard-sale I picked up a couple of new books, one of which was by the national favorite "Dr. Laura". Her name....kind of cheesy, and if you've ever listened to her talk show (if your reaction is like mine) you may chuckle at her brash, straightforward candor, all the while smiling at the wisdom that can escape her mouth. She's good at what she does. So as long as you are a caller who is in teachable mode - good for you! But if not....be careful, she'll put you in your place whether or not you want to hear it!

Anyhow, in this current book I'm reading the point has been made several times during the opening chapter of the difference in living life as either 1. A Victim (of whatever trial), 2. A Survivor, or 3. A Conqueror. For instance, a person who was abused as a child can choose to live their adult life as one of the three options listed above. Same goes for a person who's parents divorced, or perhaps died - or perhaps this person was bullied at school for some reason.
I felt a huge paradigm shift as I read multiple examples of callers to her show describe their own choices. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we are taught that this life is a test of our choices. The choice between good vs. evil -yes. I realized that there is another choice, the choice of not just surviving this life, but coming out victorious in the end.
My Prince Charming and I were talking about this this morning. Are we surviving our trials day in and out or are we conquering them?

Hmmmm. Good thinking material. I think I've decided how I want to end up. And for the first time in my life I see that the meaning of my name, Nicole may have been an inspiring choice after all. Nicole means "Victory of the People". Huh? I've always thought that was the lamest name meaning. Now it seems kind of cool. It's always been sentimental, my Dad served a mission in Scotland and met a family there with a little girl with dark-brown/black eyes, beautiful, he said. He decided then that his little girl would carry her name. Her name was Nicole. If my Mom had had her way I would have been named Lindsey. Isn't that cute? Daddy won out and he's been my hero in so many ways over my 31 years. Smile.

Keeping My Eye On the Goal

2010-05-21T19:58:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I wonder about this whole life thing. In fact, I've wondered a lot about it lately. It's so easy for the mist of darkness to make me forget what it is I am here for. For the past couple of weeks my prayers have centered around efforts to remember who I am - who I really am. The person that I've been even before being born into this world is more than just the outward personae and yet I've really had to dig past all of those aspects of 'me' to find myself.

While teaching my Relief Society lesson last Sunday I ended with my testimony of the need that we each have to constantly nourish our spirits. I shared the realization that I've come to that it doesn't matter how spiritually strong I was at 16, or 20, or 25. Today is today and the light that I need to find my way in this world can only be found today. I've failed to keep my lamp full for a while now and it has turned my life into a sort of dingy in the middle of the ocean. Tossed to and fro with little direction and little control.

This Saturday is my "girls night out" with my daughters. We've been planning on attending a party at Deseret Book to celebrate the release of a new book/parable by Jenny Phillips called 'The Parable of the Golden Pathway'. I bought the book a couple of weeks ago and we read it for family night. It's a beautiful parable and so poignant that I was completely overwhelmed with the spirit during the part of the story that tells of how Sara crosses the river and makes it up the mountain. I couldn't speak, literally - and my daughter, who has always been keenly aware of others' feelings, picked up where I had stopped and read until I could begin again.

It was easy to identify with most of the characters in the story, and I was left to ponder on where I wanted to end up and which of the characters I wanted to be like. My first instinct was a fervent desire to be like Sara. Eden (my oldest) expressed the same sentiment, "I want to be Sara. Mom, can I dress up like Sara for the party?" I can honestly say that Sara is the character that I've most wanted to be like during my life, and the person I've wanted to be. But recently I've felt more like Tabitha - ready to give up and be done with it. Life is hard. Much, MUCH harder than I ever thought it could be. And this parable has helped me to think through my choices with more clarity than I've had in a while. I could give up, but giving up would mean more than just quiting. It would mean breaking the covenants that I've made with God. Giving up would mean choosing to NOT be like the Savior. It would mean choosing to NOT "always remember Him" as I promised when I was baptised. It would mean turning my back to the promises I made when I entered his temple and it would mean believing the worst of myself instead of fighting to hold on to who I have always believed I am and who I have always wanted to become.

The visual gift that a parable brings into a persons life has the potential to be life changing. Jesus Christ, the Savior of Mankind, often taught in parables. The gift that Jenny Phillips' book has given to me is the ability to look through the darkness of the world and strengthen the tunnel-vision that is needed to make it through this life the way I set out to. I'm sure that most passionate people have, at one point or another, felt the burning determination to accomplish some great goal. Be it establishing a world-wide charity, or be it returning home to our Heavenly Father free from sin, it's not something that can happen without a daily, consistent effort. In 'The Parable of the Golden Pathway' hiding your shield behind you or stepping off of the path, even for a moment, resulted in a loss of strength and light. If I can capture the full meaning of the visual gift contained in this book I just might make it through this world with some amount of dignity left - with some remote chance of hearing those much longed for words: "Well done, though good and faithful servant." And if I'm really blessed, and truly the person that I've hoped to be, I may be able to teach my children the same things to make it through on their own.

April Fool's Life?!

2010-04-02T13:53:00.000-06:00

So, April Fools Day came and went this week without so much as a nod from me. I spent the day in bed, recovering from the previous 3 days, during which I played 'Mommy at Full Speed'. (you know, no farming out the kids to various locations, meals delivered, etc.) It killed me. But it was so fun. I LOVE being a Mom. And I LOVE being married to this man of mine. I'm pretty sure that he has a tumor living in the part of his brain that controls his craziness, because as far as I can see, he is crazy for being crazy in love with me. Why on earth has this guy stuck around for so long? What is WRONG with him? How can he still look at me with those lovey-dovey eyes and kiss me and tell me that he's crazy in love with me? CrAzY is the word I'd use.

We've been married for 9 1/2 years now. Three weeks after our wedding I went in for knee surgery, followed by several weeks of physical therapy. A Few months later I was preggo with baby #1 and SICK, sick, sick, all day and night for 5 months. Then came 8 years of pregnancies in all their barfy glory, post-partum depression, therapy dealing with emotional issues from my childhood, miscariages, endometriosis, family drama (thanks Rucker!), surgery in December to diagnose and "fix" the endometriosis (didn't work), and then a full, abdominal hysterectomy three weeks ago.

I've thought a lot over the years about what force of nature decided to dump on me right after we got married. It seems almost cruel. Like April Fools LIFE Kurt! Haha....I got you!!!! LOL! N - O - T.

I've learned to be a lot tougher than I was in the beginning. I've learned to work through a whole day with a smile on my face even though I was crying inside. I've learned that one of the main reasons we are on this earth is to TEACH our spirits to be stronger than our bodies. As spirits, we've always existed - we came to this Earth to be given a body, and to learn to master it.

In the past, I've heard a quote that goes something like this;

We are not physical beings having a spiritual experience

rather,

We are spiritual beings having a physical experience.

Keeping this doctrine in mind brings purpose and strength to each day. It doesn't explain to me why my husband keeps sticking around, but it does remind me that this life is a TEST. It's our time to PROVE to God that we want to be with Him, more than we want anything else. All of the time that I've spent laying in bed, away from the people that I love most, has helped me focus a bit. I've watched the news, seen the disasters all over the world, seen the wickedness that is being labeled as 'human rights'. I've also seen so much good - people turning to Christ and fullfilling prophecy (even if they didn't know it.:)

I've gained this intense sense of URGENCY! Urgency to prepare for natural and spiritual disasters alike. Urgency to push aside the things that don't matter and hyper-focus on the things that do, like preparing my children for natural and spiritual disasters.

And now, this post has become l o n g. And I've probably lost some of you. So I'm going to wrap it up with something I read in a book given to me by a dear friend. The book, "All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience" by Neal A. Maxwell.

There is an attitudinal and behavioral bridge that we need to build in order for us

to draw closer to Him (Jesus Christ),

and thus be ready to return Home

- cum laude or summa cum laude -

to recieve of His loving fullness.

We must want to do this more than we want to do anything else.

Otherwise, even if we avoid wickedness,

our journey will end in the suburbs,

somewhere short of the City of God.

Um, yeah. I understand the suburbs.

This is a test....this is only a test.....life that is :)

Can 'The Naked Chef' make us better parents?

2010-03-22T11:37:00.000-06:00

Wahoo! Today is my first day back as an 'on my own while Dad is at work' Mom! I went to sleep last night so excited for today. Prince Charming came in at 6:30 to wake me with a kiss and a Diet Dr. Pepper so that I could be fully awake and functional by the time he left at 6:50. I took my morning meds, my pain meds, and spent the next several minutes praying for the help that I would need.
The morning went pretty well. The kids were so excited when I told them I would be taking them to school, and the three youngest were thrilled to learn that they would be going to friends houses to play this morning while Mom came home to rest.

One of the things that we believe and hold strong to as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the doctrine of personal revelation. We believe that God speaks to ALL of his children through the voice of the spirit - first at the Light of Christ, which is given to EVERY person born on the earth, - and then through the gift of the Holy Ghost, which is recieved after baptism. That voice can be heard in many ways, often as a simple thought, or some kind of feeling. Warm, peaceful feelings tell us that what we are doing, or thinking of doing, is in line with our Heavenly Fathers approval. Dark, confused, unhappy feelings are the spirits way of tellling us that something is wrong. Like a parent who has sent a child off to college, our Father in Heaven wants to be able to communicate with us and help us during our time on this earth. He hasn't sent us here to walk alone in confusion!

I am so grateful for the countless friends who have felt, and listened to that spirit and then blessed my life. I look at every phone call, note in the mail, email, blog comment, or act of service as a gift from our Father in Heaven, because I know that he is blessing me, through you! Thank YOU!

LOL! Last night Prince Charming and I caught the "sneek peek" of this new show:

After the first 15 minutes, we both looked at each other and commented that a nice little pit had settled into our stomaches. Part of me wanted to turn off the TV and go to bed - I think it was the prideful part of me. The rest of me knew that what this young Dad is doing is a miracle that our country needs.

It was amazing to watch the lunch ladies - er, cooks - lash out at Jamie. Actually, all of the adults, even though they had agreed to have him come, acted put out, offended and pessimistic.

It's easy to see where they are coming from.

I think that the general mentality in America is that cooking healthy is 'too hard'.

The USDA has complicated everything for everyone.

Jamie is determined to undo the damage that's been taking place for decades.

So Prince Charming and I have decided to hop on board.

We've signed his petition.

We will be watching each week WITH our kids.

Want to join me?

Click Here to sign the Petition and find out more.

Click Here to learn about Jamie Oliver

Click Here to find your local TV Listings for the time.

What do you think?

Crazy or Lazy Days?

2010-03-20T12:43:00.000-06:00

10 days post-op and what do I find? The hardest part of this whole surgery thing is missing my kids! Who would have thought. I'm the same as every other Mom - I've had lots of Mom days when I wish the craziness would just stop and be over. But I miss it. All of it. I miss picking up the baby and breaking up the kids bickering. I miss taking them to school and bringing them home. I can hear the kids running around downstairs doing all of the normal things - with the addition of some outrageous things (thanks to the 'norm' being tossed out the window) and I miss being a part of it all.
It's so true what they say, the grass is always greener on the other side - hopefully I will be able to live out each day MORE grateful for what is going on in the present. How often have you been told "This too shall pass."? The bad will pass away, and so will the good.
Short post. I was so pleased to look in my in-box and see so many comments from friends! New friends from SITS (I can't wait to check out your blogs when I can sit up to the comp. for longer than 20 minutes) and old friends! THANKS!

Spring is HERE!!!

Home From the Hospital

2010-03-13T14:29:00.000-07:00

Tuesday morning Kurt and I woke up feeling excited for the day ahead. I don't think I've ever felt excited for surgery but this day promised to be the start of my return to life without daily pain.
My anxiety rose throught the morning and by the time we reached the hospital at 1:30pm I was pretty much a wreak, chattering non-stop about whatever was going on. I asked anyone who attended to me if I was going to die, they were all very encouraging, and personable. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I LOVE McKay Dee Hospital! I've never had a bad experience there and I've never met a nurse I didn't like.
Details will follow, eventually. For now, I'm just grateful to be able to post that we've had many miracles this week. The surgery went perfectly. I was released from the hospital just 2 days later.

The greatest miracle to me what seeing the peace and contentment that was present in our home while I was away. Every time I was on the phone with Kurt or one of the kids, the noises in the background were happy. None of the kids called me to whine or cry that they missed me. Kurt was calm every day - it was obvious that the Lord was taking care of our family. My Dad (Papa Bear to the Kids) arrived Tuesday afternoon and helped kurt give me a blessing, and my Mom (Grammy to the kids) came over as soon as she got off of work. This pattern would continue through the week with Mom and Dad coming in the late afternoon and helping Kurt with the kids and homework and laundry until bedtime was over and they drove home to collapse into bed! I have been continually amazed and soooo grateful that they are so close to help during this time in our family. They just moved to East Layton in January (from Spanish Fork) and it's such a novelty to have them only 15 minutes away! They have been continually supporting, encouraging and helpful and they truly are our guardian angles! I came home on Thursday and my Mom came up and laid on the bed by me to visit while she ate some dinner. Then she laid back on the bed and I fell asleep for a minute. When I woke up she had her hand on my arm and was sleeping too, so we took a little nap together! I've told my girls many times "Sometimes even Mommy needs her Mommy!" (And her Daddy too!)

I am so touched and overwhelmed by the love that our congregation has shown us also. We've had meals coming in all week, another who wants to come and clean our bathrooms once a week while I recover. I had 5 different visitors in the hospital and countless people who have stopped and asked how they can help. Notes of encouragement and hugs of comfort. The Lord has taught that "inasmuch as ye do this unto the least of these my brethern, ye do it unto me." To all of those who have served as the Lord's hands in blessing our lives we give our thanks and send our prayers of gratitude to heaven on your behalf. Words can't begin to describe the feeling that makes our hearts feel full of the Saviors love. Brought one drop at a time by our friends and family and neighbors, through freezer meals, car rides, cookies, a good book, a light to follow or a simple phone call in the middle of a busy day.

We love you! THINK SPRING!!!

PS My doctor wouldn't save my parts so that I could see. Apparently there are laws now that classify removed organs as a bio-hazard. Hoowhee! you should have seen the look on her face when I asked her though! She said she's never been asked that before....LOL! Seriously, sometimes I crack myself up!

Sunglasses down the d-r-a-i-n....

2010-02-23T15:43:00.000-07:00

Dang!

I really liked those sunglasses.

The Baby liked them too.

He also likes toilets.

A lot.

We have signs on the bathroom doors reminding the big kids to close the door

We have latch hooks on the outside of the door so that Baby can't get in

Unless someone leaves the door open.

His facination with toilets is getting expensive.

It already cost us a glass cooktop

(Imagine Mom cooking dinner and having to stop, drop and RUN to the bathroom for the 5th time that day. Then imagine the metal spoon in Mom's hand hitting the top of the stove in frustration. Follow that with the gasp of horror when Mom comes back into the kitchen and sees the hole in the glass. Yep. Fun Times.)

We Thought he was going to grow up to be an electrical engineer due to his facination with electrical sockets, desire to try and stick things in them and ability to remove the baby proofers (yeah right.)

Maybe he's going to be a plumber......nah.

He'll save the world with new methods of hand disinfection techniques,

Yeah.

Awesome.

Then, perhaps he will pay us back for replacing that stove.

And my sunglasses.

Happy Birthday Baby!

2010-02-18T11:55:00.000-07:00

My baby girl turns 8 today.

She is my first born, the joy of my life and a

vein of kindness that runs through the heartbeat of our home.

I can't believe it!

3 Months ♥

When she was born she was 3 weeks early.

This would end up being normal for my pregnancies.

She weighed 7 lbs. 8 oz. and was 19 1/2 inches long.

She was bald, and beautiful.

I was a Mom.

She cried for the first three months until we realized

she was lactose-intolerant like her Mom.

So we gave her a bottle with Soy formula and she stopped crying

and turned into the happiest baby ever.

4 Years ♥

Her hair grew LONG and THICK.

Her heart grew bigger and her spirit did too.

She was like a 21 year old walking around in a little girls body.

She never went through the 'terrible two's"

and to this day, rarely throws a fit.

I would give her the world and I'm so blessed to be her Mom.

8 Years ♥

Happy Birthday Munchkin.

♥ We love you!!! ♥

No Kidding Hon....

2010-02-01T10:51:00.000-07:00

Last week three out of my four kids had some kind of cold

and PINK-EYE.

And on Sunday, 'Bug', the 3rd threw up 5 times - poor girl.

The last time she threw up was after all of the kids had been tucked in for the night.

She was in her bed so I held her on the couch while Prince Charming changed the sheets and

made a princess bed on the floor by my bed using the cushion from her window bench.

While I was holding her she looked at me with her beautiful, huge, black eyes and said,

"Mommy, let's talk some more, okay?"

"Okay honey."

"You know Mom, it's not that easy being me today. Sigh "

No kidding sweet girl. It hurts a mommy's heart to see one of her babies so sick.

But I sure love holding them.

It's the perfect excuse to do nothing but soak in a snuggle,

and let everything else go.

I would gladly take it from her and carry a barf bowl around instead.

She was so proud of herself for making it to the sink or in a bowl 3/5 times.

She's only 3 1/2 years old.

Prince Charming and I always tell the kids that if their stomach feels funny

AND their jaw starts to hurt, then it's time to make a run for the sink.

She remembered and did it.

She saved me from barfing right along with her.

I love that little girl so much.

Being a Mom is the best.

I See a Light!

2010-01-31T17:29:00.000-07:00

Wow! What a difference a date makes. The date I'm speaking of is my.......surgery date! Tada! Friday, or was it Thursday (?) My Dr's office called to schedule a full, abdominal, hysterectomy for Tuesday March 9th. It's the light at the end of the tunnel, and though I'm not crazy about going under the knife I am sooooo ready to live a life w/o pain all of the time. Wahoo!

By the way....any of you women know someone out there who has celebrated the removal of her uterus? Haha....I do! For years, when my Mom's "time of the month" would roll around she would exclaim "ugh! I've been trying to quit for years!!" Haha! When she got the word that circumstances would require the surgery, she went out to dinner to celebrate! How funny is that? Why not? If you KNOW you are done having babies - just take it all out - right? I understand...but there is still that part of me that is sad to see my baby-maker gone.

Speaking of seeing.....(disclaimer: do not read the following paragraph if you are easily grossed out - k-?)

Last night I was talking to my Mom on the phone and I told her that I want to have the Dr. save my 'parts' so that I can see them. Wouldn't you be the least bit curious? I mean, this is part of my BODY that I've carried around since gestation, it's the part of my body that has grown my four children, so yeah, I want to see. I joked with my Mom that maybe I should take a picture to post it on my blog, LOL! She got really quiet and said "Do you really want to tell everyone about your private stuff?" to which I replied with an explination of blogging in 2010 and how one of the benifits of being honest about the crap in your life is that 1. others will empathize with you, 2. you may educate someone who is looking for help, and 3. you make friends in the weirdest places!

I doubt that I will post a picture of my ovaries and uterus on this blog. Then again....

I should say here - for the record -

When I was in Kindergarten I had my tonsils out.

I asked the Dr. to save them for me so that I could see them.

He did, and presented them to me in a clear jar floating in saline.

I took them home and showed them to my Kindergarten teacher (Linda Coray) when she came to visit.

Then, when I was better, I took them to school for show and tell.

No Joke.

Anybody want to see? Hahaha! Seriously, I am cracking myself up here. But I'm serious.

PS. My blog counter seems to be telling me that I'm having a few visitors. Thanks for stopping by :)

Nie Nie and Me

2010-01-29T17:00:00.000-07:00

The other night I was having another bad night. The kind of night where I was feeling bad for myself and had been wishing I were dead rather than live for another moment with the pain and humiliation that comes with a disease that causes chronic pain. I had a long talk with my Dad, who understands chronic pain very well, and he opened my eyes to several things including what an amazing person he is. (which I already knew!) That evening though, I was still feeling awful so I decided to check out Stephanie Nielsen (Nie Nie) and see how she was handling her day. Needless to say she and I felt some things that were quite similar, like the discontent that comes from hanging out in bed while your children go about their normal day without you. But for the most part, she has it worse by 1000x more than I ever could - and I went to bed feeling grateful. Grateful that Stephanie was home from the hospital. Grateful to feel this funny connection for a person that I had never met. Grateful that I am only dealing with endometriosis and not trying to recover from a near fatal plane crash. Grateful for people who are willing to put their lives out on their blogs for the whole world to see and grateful for the perspective of the restored gospel that gives millions of people hope in a dark world.

This was two nights ago. On the morning of that same day I read a scripture that I'd read tons of times before but for some reason the meaning of the words hit me with NEW meaning and it seemed so obvious that I couldn't believe that I hadn't seen it before:

In the Scriptures it says:

And again, I command thee that thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife; nor seek thy neighbor’s life.

Doctrine and Covenants section 19:25

When I've read this scripture before, the first thought I've had about the second sentence was "don't kill your neighbor" - right? Well, when I read this the other day the second sentence made me think about how often we, as women, wish that our lives were like so and so's. We wish that our husband were like Jane's and that our house was as big as Mary's and that our children were as well behaved as Lizzy's. How many people, I wondered, had wished and even sought to have a life like Stephanie Nielson did before her crash? If you haven't browsed through her blog or read the article in the AZ newspaper that details her accident, Click Here. Her life seemed perfect, even she felt like it was as good as it could get - but if you had to go through her trials, would you really want her blessings?

It's a lesson for our times ladies. I just popped on over to her post for today and even Nie spent part of today wishing for "Ms. Jones" life. Understandable wouldn't you say? She inspires me, and I hope that somehow she knows that no matter how monotonous her days seem to her, they inspire me, and lots of women like me....like maybe you? Sending our love and prayers your way, Stephanie Nielsen.

Playdough and Percocet ;)

2010-01-24T11:57:00.000-07:00

Praying for Spring, Playing with Color....!

Think spring....think spring....it will work, one of these days. Munchkin likes to point out that we need snow so that we have water to fill up the swimming pools in the summer. Last night, with her second-grade reasoning she told me that it would be okay if we didn't get more snow because with all of our water jugs in the basement, we could just use some of those to fill up the pool! Haha. Excatly what Kurt and I were thinking when we filled those up, put a little bleach inside and marked a date---swimming:)

Last week I was looking for something new for the kids to do and decided to make some playdough. I pulled out what I had recorded as "The Best Playdough Recipe" and my cake decorating supplies and set to work cooking up our first batch. Now, there are a million play-doh recipes out there and I tried many of them before settling on this one, it was so fast and easy that I ended up measuring out as many batches as I could for how much salt I had on hand.

I used some GEL icing colors that I bought a couple of summers ago at a yard sale for an awesome price. Most of them were fairly dried out and gummy but since I could scrape some out and drop it in the pan at the beginning of the cooking process it melted and then distributed evenly.

SO FUN!!! SO COLORFUL!!!

I think that I had more fun making it just to look at the colors than anything. and....

the kids have played with it for HOURS.

Notice that the pink has a little purple swirled in? That was Bug who got ahold of two colors at a time. Call me uptight but I'm one of those Mom's that wants the playdough to remain colorful for more than five minutes. I spent some time showing the kids how to use different colors together without smashing them together so that they can still be pulled apart. The got the hang of it and 10 days later, we still have bright, vibrant colors :)

Here is JD's creation. I don't remember what he said it was, but it was fun! Here are some reasons that I love this recipe:

1. The oil in it makes it super smooth and it's NOT STICKY, it also keeps it from drying out.

2. Most kids are tempted to TRY and eat playdough, not that I blame them, it's so yummy looking. But this recipe has LOTS and lots of SALT in it - hence, detering most kids. I say MOST because in our house, who ended up trying to eat the most playdough? My almost EIGHT year old daughter! The same child who tries to put tons of salt on her veggies, lick the salt shaker, and snitch from spills on the counter. Sigh!

3. Adding a little bit of mexican vanilla makes it smell GOOD! I've thought about adding a little coconut extract, or orange, or lemon....mmmmm!

Click HERE to view or print our favorite Playdough Recipe!

Dear Diary,

I hate the fact that I need to take so much medicine to deal with the pain of this disease. I am well aware of the issues in our society with people becoming addicted to pain-killers. My Mom was a clinical director and then a program director at a recovery house for a couple of years, and I've, you know, watched Oprah. What am I supposed to do when I can't get out of bed to get my kids to school? Dr's have to be careful - that's understandable, but taking pain killers until I can have surgery isn't going to land me in a recovery house or on Oprah, is it? The guilt I feel makes me feel like I'm going to land in jail though. Dr. Durbin made me feel like it's a crime to be in so much pain, and yet she is the only person who could help that pain - and she wouldn't. How pathetic is it to have to go to the ER with a desperate hope of some doctor having mercy on me and helping me? Like one of a hundred stories I've read in the media. People addicted to pain killers who go doctor-shopping to get the meds that they want. But I'm not. Then again that's what addicts say, isn't it? They grill you every time you need a refill, which is often because they'll only give you enough medicine to last a few days. They want to see your picture ID and have a hand-written perscription. I follow their orders and, in a sense, put my well-being in their hands - and I feel like they are wringing me to the point that I'm just going to dissapear. The person I know who understands this the most is my Faith. She knows because she deals with chronic pain too. She is a Mom and a wife who has Fibromyalgia - an auto-immune disorder that causes dozens of unpleasentries one of which is chronic pain. She understands the guilt that comes from even needing the medicine and she understands that there are people who will look at you as though you are a criminal, as though you chose the disease and the pain. She knows, and so last Thursday, during the middle of my literal breakdown, I called her. Sobbing. And I knew. The Lord sent her into me life for a million reasons, but today - today she is here to listen and hold my hand and cry with me and then together, we look forward towards a solution, and away from those who judge unfairly. Women. Sisters. Love each other.

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES!

2010-01-23T17:19:00.000-07:00

My Mom sent this to me one day last week, then called me and had me read it outloud to her over the phone. I haven't laughed so hard in a while. It took me a bit to get over using the word 'laxatives' on my blog, so consider this your warning if you are reading this.

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

Remember....Laughter is the best medicine....and sometimes it's all you've got!

Dear Diary,
I am sitting in a quiet house on Saturday afternoon contemplating a trip to the ER for the amount of pain that I've been in for the past 5 days. I am so weary of hurting and of thinking so much about, me. Taking care of my sick baby this afternoon was a welcome distraction. Working to sooth his discomfort and dry his tears was so much more refreshing than trying to sooth my discomfort and hide my tears. I can't go back to my old OBGYN. She has been so conservative with her treatment of my disease that the term "medical negligence and mal-practice" have crossed my mind dozens of times. I can't get into another DR. for a couple of weeks and even then there will be tests and more tests because each Dr. want to do their own stuff. Endometriosis causes chronic, daily pain and the past 5 days or so I've rated the pain at an 8 on the scale of 1-10. Thursday I had a breakdown, literally. I couldn't handle the pain any more and I was so frustrated with a Dr. who wouldn't help me that I had a breakdown. I cried, sobbed for 3+ hours, during that time I made it to my Psychiatrists office. He is the one person that knows me (medically) the best. He knows me emotionally, chemically, mentally etc. He even called Dr. Durbin to vouch for how much I am hurting, and gave her his analysis for my unusual show of emotion, but she still wouldn't help. When you are taking 7.5mg Lortab + 800mg of Ibuprophen every 4 hours for pain and it still isn't working, when you are mentally shot from trying to manage life with so much agony, and your doctor still refuses to do anything more, what can I do? So, I am going to the ER. By myself because I can't handle any more stress from Prince Charming about all of the money that we are owing for medical bills. I am going alone because I feel alone and I don't want someone watching (again) as I go through the entire history of the past few months with yet another doctor. I don 't want anyone watching as my hopes are dashed and my heart is broken again when they can't or won't fix my pain. I'm scared that I'll have to have surgery. How on earth can I have surgery with 4 kids? On Thursday, after my breakdown, I couldn't sleep. I didn't fall asleep until 3am. I felt a thought enter my somewhat groggy mind and I think I know what else is wrong with me, so we will see. Are there other people in the world who wish they were dead instead of living with a body that is so broken, and painful, and doctor after doctor can't fix it so how long can someone go on like this? I just don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

Pregnant? Oh please no.....

2010-01-19T10:26:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. I think. I think it was a dream, well, at this point in my life it would seem more like a nightmare, but it was around 3am when I got up to go potty and take some pain medicine. I laid in bed for the next hour and a half contemplating what another pregnancy would mean for our family. Firstly, I'm pretty sure Kurt would break something, or at least put his hand through one of our walls. He might swear once or twice, and then he would be really, really quiet for a few days - all the while, I would be talking and talking and trying to make things seem okay, even though inside I was dying. Then I would get mad at him for not having a better attitude and I would remind him who was going to spend the next several months sick. I thought about this for a little while.

Then I thought about how many people I know who would give anything to have a baby. I thought about how ironic it is that people seldom get what they want, when they want it. I thought about some close friends who have tried for three years to get pregnant and finally are (!) but still cautious because the thought of miscarriage is always there. I thought about one of my favorite blog designers, April Durham, and her public battle to have a baby - and the countless others that I know who would do anything for a little person to join their family. A little blessing and all of the diapers and sleepless nights and joyful moments that accompany that blessing.

Then I thought about my favorite moments in my life and how they were the four moments when each of my children were born. There is NOTHING that compares to holding a new little spirit so fresh from heaven, the smell, the feel of tinyness, everything. And a part of me hoped, just for a moment, that perhaps my dream was really one more of those moments in my life when the spirit has spoken to me in a way that only I can understand.

Those happy thoughts were quickly replaced with memories of years of post-partum depression that are over and in the past. It's a chapter of my life that I've closed with a sigh of relief, happy to never walk through that valley again. I've said before, and I'll say it again, if Post-Partum Depression weren't a part of the baby package for me I would have more children. But it's gotten worse with every pregnancy and there comes a point when you know that it's enough. I don't want to do that one again. I don't want my family to have to deal with everything that accompanies it either. Life is crazy right now, especially because they already have a Mom who is in pain most of the time. To add to that craziness would be....crazy! Loud, happy kids run around our home right now and wish for spring. They are loud, Mom and Dad say shhh, even when there isn't a reason to (habit you know!) and it's okay. Add one more to the mix and we may lose our minds...literally !

Of course I'll be watching for the tale-tell signs of NOT pregnant, but since I had a D/C during my surgery last Dec. 16th my cycle is all messed up. oooh the suspense :P

The Ugliest Little Thing - Transformed!

2010-01-18T17:56:00.000-07:00

This is what I found during the same month that I found the sewing cabinet.

I don't have to tell you how thrilled Prince Charming was

to add another peice of ugly furniture to our garage ☺

I found it at a garage sale that I'd initially taken Kurt to because of the HUGE amount

of tools that were offered. He didn't buy any...but I spied this, the the VERY BACK

of the dark, dusty, overcrowded storage unit.

In the middle of downtown Ogden.

I would have been afraid for my life if I didn't have my Man with me.

When I asked the scary looking guy how much he wanted for it he said $10.00

I offered $8.00 (I know, but it's how the game is played) and he said OK.

$8.00 + Elbow Grease + One peice of glass for the front ($6.00) +

One roll of wrapping paper from

Tai Pan Trading Co.($4.00) =

A pretty darn cute place to show off my cookbook collection and my homemade Jam :)

BEFORE

AFTER

It's not an amazingly high quality piece of furniture, but it has charm and it was a good deal.

Prince Charming cut two new shelves and I wrapped them with wrapping paper that I found at Tai Pan Trading Co. for a deal. I primed with aquaphor Gripper which is a primer that sticks to anything and makes sanding unnecessary, then topped it with two coats of Behr's Ultra Pure White High Gloss latex paint.

THE END!

A Solar System Bedroom

2010-01-15T15:18:00.000-07:00

Phase Two of JD's Solar System Bedroom was to put the color on the walls. I mentioned earlier that I always paint the trim first, and I use a high gloss paint from Behr called 'Ultra Pure White'. The next thing we did was tape around the, now dry, trim. I like to use blue painters tape and then I use a trick that I read somewhere, a long time ago. Using any small paint brush (in this case just a craft, sponge brush) I seal the edges of the painters tape using Behr's Faux Glaze Medium. I bought a gallon of this stuff about 5 1/2 years ago and still have TONS left, most likely because I've never actually done a 'faux finish' on one of my walls! Faux Glaze looks milky white but dries clear, quickly. A thin layer on the edges of the tape gives me perfect lines and no annoying leaks to go back and touch up. It's the best.

[ Side note: One day about two weeks ago I stopped by my parents new house and during a casual conversation with their painter, he mentioned what a pain all of the mouldings were in their house. (The have TONS. I asked him if he had heard of this trick and he hadn't but got super excited and called his partner who was at Home Depot picking up supplies. I ended up on the phone with the "Head painter" trying to explain to him what he needed to do, yada, yada, yada. Anyhow, he found the Faux Glaze but called me back because the "You Can Do It, We Can Help" employee at Home Depot told him that you couldn't use the Glaze for this purpose. Of course I told him to ignore the guy at Home Dept and trust my 6 years of using this trick! In my mind, anything to make this guys job a little easier, and give my parents a better result...I'm thinking that home improvement stores make much more money by us trying to fix our mistakes rather than do it right the first time. Ha! ]

Bring on the BLACK! Months ago I had bought a cheap, $10.00 gallon of exterior, semi-gloss, black paint from Wal-Mart that was discounted. It had been in the garage through a couple of months of very cold weather and when we opened the paint, it was really tHiCk! It sure covered well, only two coats directly over white, but it also used the whole gallon, which (I think) was totally riduculous, but oh, well! Prince Charming♥ did an awesome job with only one or two drips on the carpet (which needs to be replaced anyway).
The color for the bottom half of the room was something I had deliberated about for weeks. Initially I wanted to use the turquoise that I used in our main floo 1/2 bath. Then JD told me it was a girl color, then I vascilated and thought olive green might look cool. I also thought about orange - for a second - but since I was going for a solar system and not HaLLoWeeN I threw that idea out the window. In the end, I changed the name of the paint from "turquoise" to "Surfer Blue", told JD that it was a boys color, and was totally thrilled with the out-come! Did I already mention that my fabulous hottie hubby did the painting all by himself because I was recovering from surgery? (Mwah!!Baby!)

When we went to pull the tape off the next morning, we had a bit of trouble with the black wanting to stick to the tape and pull off of the wall. This has happened before and I think it has something to do with the sheen that is used. As soon as we realized that the black paint and painters tape were having separation anxiety, Kurt used a razor blade to cut the paint where it met the tape. Wha-La!! Perfecto!!

Since the SUN was already finished, it was up right away, and decidedly more cool than the girly-girl fan that used to be in there. Kurt had installed a $15.00 super simple, one light fixture, before we had started. We have a compact flourescent light bulb in the socket and instead of the glass globe that came with it, the SUN is hanging from the screws!

This is a picture of my adorable "baby" brother lifting the Bug up to help put the stars on the ceiling. It's a perfect pic to see what I've described so far. Paint colors and the SUN - no more :)

Whew! That's it for Phase Two. Tomorrow I will post pictures of Phase Three which includes glow-in the dark stars that ROCK and PLANETS that look like they are floating in space (pun intended :).

From The Holy Bible, King James Version

Gen. 1: 1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth

From The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ

3 Nephi 9:15 Behold, I am Jesus Christ the Son of God. I created the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are. I was with the Father from the beginning. I am in the Father, and the Father in me; and in me hath the Father glorified his name.

From The Pearl of Great Price

Additional scripture revealed in the Latter days containing communication

between our Father in Heaven and the Prophet of the Old Testament, Moses

Moses 1: 33 And worlds without number have I created; and I also created them for mine own purpose; and by the Son I created them, which is mine Only Begotten.

34 And the first man of all men have I called Adam, which is many.

35 But only an account of this earth, and the inhabitants thereof, give I unto you. For behold, there are many worlds that have passed away by the word of my power. And there are many that now stand, and innumerable are they unto man; but all things are numbered unto me, for they are mine and I know them.

36 And it came to pass that Moses spake unto the Lord, saying: Be merciful unto thy servant, O God, and tell me concerning this earth, and the inhabitants thereof, and also the heavens, and then thy servant will be content.

37 And the Lord God spake unto Moses, saying: The heavens, they are many, and they cannot be numbered unto man; but they are numbered unto me, for they are mine.

38 And as one earth shall pass away, and the heavens thereof even so shall another come; and there is no end to my works, neither to my words.

39 For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.

Go to http://www.gregolsenart.com/ for information about his newest masterpiece 'Hope On the Horizon'.

CLICK on the picture to see the whole thing

I painted his ceiling BLACK!

2010-01-14T14:19:00.000-07:00

Today is one of those days. I feel depressed, tired of my mal-functioning body and tired of dealing with too many doctors appointments and trips to the pharmacy. My fake it til you make it attitude is hiding under the covers and beckoning for me to join it for a while. So to cheer myself up I thought I'd post some of our progress on J.D.'s room.

BEFORE

This is actually the way that this room was painted when we bought the house in 2007. It's the smallest of our 5 bedrooms and we've moved the kids around quite a lot but have finally settled with JD here. He's asked for a solar system bedroom for several months so I've had plenty of time to plot it out in my mind. In the end I decided to paint the top portion of the walls AND the ceiling black instead of dark navy simply because I felt like the black was more realistic of outer-space. The trim was painted a high-gloss white about three months ago. Then my endometriosis kicked up enough that more painting was just not going to happen. Poor JD, he really was a good sport to live in such a feminine environment for so long!

During Christmas break I was recovering from surgery and so, so grateful that I have a husband who is so family oriented. He was Mr. Mom, Prince Charming, and EQ Pres. all at the same time and he was so good through it all. One of the things I asked him to help me with was to finish a couple of homemaking projects during the break. I knew that if we didn't finish at least one or two, I would go crazy and be left super frustrated. You've heard the saying having to do with brains vs. braun? I can't quote it here so if you know it, feel free to check that comment box below and tell me - what I do know is that DOZENS of times I've used the word "we" and the only way someone could justify my using that word was that it was me using my brains and imagination and Kurt donating his braun and super hot muscles to the cause!

********************************

Phase one of JD's room makeover was painting the trim white. I use Behr's Ultra Pure White for all of the trim and doors in the house and I always paint the trim first. (The white is to tie all of our rooms together and also serves as one of the neutral elements to keep the color from being overwhelming.) This works for me because then when I am painting the walls, if the paint drips I can just pull out a baby wipe and clean it off. I ONLY tape the flooring when doing the trim, since it's the first color and the lightest I don't worry about keeping the paint off of the walls or having a hard time covering the color.

Also during phase one, I got crafty and transformed a paper lantern that we've had from IKEA for a couple of years and had recently been damaged by turning it into the SUN part of JD's solar system. I started with Modge Podge and though it worked well for mending the tears, it was also time-consuming. My research online in regards to Paper Mache' found that liquid starch was sometimes used. I knew that since I was using tissue paper (in order to let the light through) using liquid starch would be really tricky, but in an awesome BrAiN bUrSt I remembered the little can of spray starch that I've had for, seriously, 5 years, sitting above the washer, lonely and neglected due to the advent of wrinkle-free dress shirts! It worked amazingly well and was so fast that I finished during the time it took for the pot of water to boil for our noodles. When the SUN had dried, I did end up painting a coat of modge podge on the top of it as a sealer. The tissue that was applied with spray starch didn't dry hard and I wanted a more kiddo-proof finish. I used high gloss Modge Podge and love how the light reflects both through and off of the SUN!!

The paper lantern is the perfect size for the room and since the light shines through the tissue paper it adds a totally cool effect!

By using three different colors of tissue paper the varied look is totally amazing. The only thing I had to purchase for this little transformation was the tissue paper for about $2.00. Everything else I had on hand!

Also, I have since seen paper lanterns that are orange or yellow - of course after I had already done my own! I would still do this project on my own though. For one, the SiZe of the SUN is more unique to IKEA's lanterns vs. party supplies; and two, the swirled colors and gloss finish are two of the best aspects of the finished project!

Ahhh! Well, I feel much better now that I've had a little writing therapy, dropped JD off to kindergarten, started a load of laundry that includes a new nightgown for me (!), and put the two little ones down for their naps. I feel SO much better that I think I will go switch the wash and take a nap! Which means that part two of JD's solar system bedroom makeover will have to wait until tomorrow!! Smile.

Who says Oatmeal is boring?

2010-01-13T13:13:00.000-07:00

I'm sure that this trick to get my kids more interested in their breakfast started a couple of years ago - with Cream of Wheat. I like to mix in about 1/4 cup of wheat germ into Cream of Wheat to add the fiber back in and one day I drew a heart in the kids bowl with some gel icing. This particular day ends up on my blog since the camera was nearby. The kids love to choose what color for Mom to write with, and I love to surprise them with something fun. They love to see what color it turns their warm cereal and since I usually have some of this writing get on hand, it's just a matter of pulling it out of the cupboard!

It looks so boring now.

Adding a little silent color to our life never hurts so other than the slight calorie count and the awesome amount of artificial color....no biggie!

"Look into the center of the swirl....you will feel relaxed...you will obey instructions the first time....you will take a good nap..."

Wasn't she just a baby a few weeks ago?

Darn those kids growing up all of the time!

Say it girl!! Yes, you have an awesome Mom.;)

Don't Hate Me....

2010-01-10T16:05:00.000-07:00

Don't hate me. Before I tell you what I sold and how much profit I made I'll first lessen the sweetness of this amazing deal by letting you know that most of this money is going towards buying a new water heater. Wahoo. (not that I am ungrateful for the obvious blessing, I am.)

Now,this is what I bought off of KSL about a year ago for $50. Go ahead and click on the picture for a better look. Isn't it pretty? Not. Sike! Haha.

After spending it's allotted time in the garage to 'ripen' I pulled it into the house to paint it. Well, actually Prince Charming lugged it into the house so that I could paint it. After it was painted, it spent several months buried in my craft room. Eventually I realized that what I really want and need to do is organize the closet with shelving and a built in desk. I also realized that I really don't sew enough to justify a mechanical lift. I am NOT a seamstress. I can sew straight seams to make pillows, kind of, and I can't read a sewing pattern to save my life! Hence, the decision to sell it.

The only thing slowing me down was the 70's era hardware for the handles. I couldn't decide what to do with it, and the cold weather was preventing me from trying spray paint as an improvement tool.

In the end, I used black satin Ribbon! Wa-la!! Below is the finished product that fetched a whopping $700.00!!

As a final note: In case anyone reading this thinks that I may have ripped off the cute grandma who bought it from me, here is a picture of what you could buy today from an online internet store for $699.00, not including what would have to be paid for shipping + freight charges. Aren't I nice? :)

Tough Love vs. SPANKING!!

2010-01-06T12:34:00.000-07:00

Oh! How I WISH sometimes I wouldn't be hauled away to jail for trying this method of getting through to one of our kids! Kurt just sent me this email and gave me a much appreciated laugh-out-loud. And if there is one thing I love, it's a reason to laugh in the middle of a 'same as usual' day - feel free to share the link to this page and give someone else a light-hearted reason to smile at a subject matter that usually just causes gray hair :)

Tough Love vs. Spanking - Good Argument

Most of the American populace thinks it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of 'those moments.'

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

Some say it's the vibration from the car, others say it's the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, IPod, etc.

Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together. The eye to eye contact helps a lot too.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

Sincerely,

Your Friend and fellow Parent

(Disclaimer: This is a joke and anyone who takes it seriously must have kids just like mine. Therapy, drugs, chocolate or running away have helped to keep me from resorting to these kind of humorous tactics. Remember: this is a JOKE, wink, wink! ----Nicole)
(Oh, yes - I have no idea whom to give credit to for this email, since it was forwarded to my super hot Prince Charming who then sent it to me. So whoever you are...I don't take credit, but I do thank you for the idea! ----Nicole)

Teach Them to Walk, Talk, Pray and TYPE.

2010-01-05T13:27:00.000-07:00

In this day and age knowing how to type is a skill of necessity that ranks up there with reading, writing, good manners, and kindness. In the school system our kids are introduced to the computer in kindergarten and for the most part those kids have been on the computer in their homes and/or preschools before even then. Our kids are taught to navigate websites and word-processing programs and before you know it they are expected to turn in a typed report. Unfortunately, during my research on the internet I've discovered that many schools have removed touch typing (typing w/o looking) from their computer curriculum. Chalk it up to one more stressed educational budget - this is one skill that I don't want my kids to miss out on. (though our school does teach touch- typing)
I don't know about you but watching my kids just play on the computer is irritating. I'm a much happier Mom if I know that they are learning something in the process. For this reason we only allow computer time if it's educational in some way.
Not to long ago I started looking around for a touch-typing program that our kids could learn at home and I discovered that the choices are endless. I downloaded a free-trial for one called Ten Thumbs Typing Tutor that we never ended up using. I knew this was a skill that our kids could learn and watching my oldest spend 30 minutes to type 2 sentences onto her blog was enough to keep me looking.

In the end I found a free program from a trusted web-site that my oldest finds both entertaining and easy to navigate. It has reinforced the typing skills she learned in kindergarten and first grade and has helped make her second grade computer time almost like a review. Since typing is one of those skills that you can improve on almost indefinitely I'm not too worried about her being bored during computer lab in the near future :) !

The home page for the BBC's Dance Mat Typing Teacher is found HERE !

Are images of children typing their own papers dancing through your head too? Sigh. Smile.

So cute!

2009-12-29T10:43:00.000-07:00

L. is 3 1/2 and good at it in every way. She loves snuggling, following the big kids around, helping in the kitchen, getting into things that spark curiosity, you know - all of the regular 3 year old stuff. Sunday night I was tucking the girls into bed and asked her if she had gone potty yet. She answered with a muffled thumb-in-the-mouth 'yes' and the tone that lets me know that she really hadn't. It took me several tries to convince her that it was, in fact, necessesary to go potty before bed so that she didn't have to get up in the middle of the night.
After she finally did her duty she came back into her room and said "You know, Mom, going potty is a real pain...pain...um" I helped her with the phrase she was looking for - "Pain the the neck?" she said enthusiastically "yes! It's a real pain ON my neck!"

How Can I Possibly Complain?

2009-12-18T23:55:00.000-07:00

I've heard the name a few times. "Nie Nie" and until this evening I had no idea who or what it meant. Recovering from surgery I've been sitting at the computer tonight looking at different blogs and somehow I found her story. Reading a narrative of a woman named Stephanie Nielson and the airplane accident that she survived. http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/stephanie-nielson-intro-120609.html Apparently her blog: http://www.nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/ was popular with readers long before her husband took up flying, and as is the case with the blogging world, word traveled quickly and strangers stepped into place as countless people loved a stranger.
I met her tonight and read, first, about the horrific details of her plane accident, recovery and ability to come through the darkest of days alive, and in love, and grateful to be a Mom. Talk about a wake-up call. Poor Nicole....feels bad that she can't make cookies or re-cover the chair sitting in the living room - feels bad that she can't hold baby on her lap to put him to bed tonight. HELLO!!! I will hold him tomorrow, maybe only for a minute, but I will.
I've had a motto that has become a regular part of my life during the past 6 months. "Fake it 'till you MAKE IT!" And yet, there are still days where I feel bad for myself because my cramps are so bad (waaa!) or...whatever. It's been a maturing experience to learn to tough it out and press forward regardless of what physical ailments may be present. It's a different kind of trial, just like every single persons trials are some kind of different - that said, no one really knows what the person down the street is going through, so why don't we all just give each other a hug and an encouraging smile and look for some way to help?
Each of us will walk through our own fire of this life, what will we do? I am grateful for the days that I've been given the strength to "Fake it till I make it" and grateful for the loving forgiveness of our Father in Heaven on the days that I feel bad for myself.
Take a moment to read the story of Stephanie Nielson, it may just make your life.
Click here to read an insiders narrative of Nie Nie's story

"There is in every true woman's heart a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity; but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity."

Surgery Tomorrow

2009-12-15T16:50:00.000-07:00

So FUN!! (not:)

Just thought I'd let you all know that I will be going in for out-patient surgery on Wednesday of this week. (Dec. 16th) After lots of testing and ruling other things out, my 'WoMaN dOcTeR' believes that I have a pretty bad case of endometriosis. If you want to know what that is, CLICK HERE ! Hopefully I'll have some relief from the constant, annoying pain that I've been dealing with for months now. Prayers are appreciated!! That's the main reason for even putting this on a blog. I believe in the power of prayer and since I'd like to make it out of this alive, and I'd like my kids to make it out of 4-5 days sans Mom alive, we need your prayers. Not that I was implying that Kurt can't take care of the kids....because he can - very, very well.

Merry Christmas!

P.S My baby is walking, everywhere. Does that mean he's now a toddler instead of my baby? (tears!) Don't say it,

I don't want to know.

Christmas In July....

2009-12-07T11:50:00.000-07:00

He changed his mind. Again. I know I am not the only parent dealing with "santa gift" problems. I've decided that it would be awesome to start a new community tradition. Wouldn't it be great if the malls put Santa in the stores in, say....July? If that seems like overkill then I could compromise with September. Just for a couple of weeks and then he could go back to Christmas Island, or wherever he happens to hang during his off season. This way, the kids would have to ask, be done, be committed, end of story. None of this changing your mind about what you are going to ask Santa for after your Mom has already (ahem) told him. By this point in the game, Santa's gift is happily waiting in the sewing room for it's magnificant presentation on Christmas Morning. Ugh! Grrr. Sigh. What's a Mom to do. Well? This Mom shops online, so well in fact that she doesn't pay for shipping. I certainly don't want to pay to send it back since I didn't even pay to have it sent here.
This time....my oldest son lucked out. It just so happens that his birthday is the first week in January so I'll give myself a pat on the back for getting his birthday shopping done early! FHE is tonight and I'm thinking that we need to make a little trek down to the mall so that the kids can tell Santa what I've been waiting to hear all year - it will certainly make my job a bit easier.

PS. Santa already has the other kids gifts too. The chance of Bugga-boo changing her mind was also pretty good, but Mom was a step ahead. Mom shows Bug a picture online, we talked about it, got excited and then?......Mom printed the picture out so that Bugga-boo could give it to Santa. Since the kids are only allowed to ask Santa for one thing, looks like Mom won this one ☺

Nothing's In There Mommy....

2009-12-05T22:49:00.000-07:00

So, tonight I was sitting on our couch enjoying the happy feeling in our home (for once!) when Bugga-boo came up to me and asked to play doctor. She had a big huge popsicle stick that was in all actuality a toung-depressor. "Open wide Mommy, this is my flashlight....(which I obedientely did.)....yep, I don't see anything in there...except your pain." said Bug, Then I said, "Well doctor can you make it better?" Bug:"no, I don't think so, I'm not a very good doctor but you can put this ribbon around your neck...like this....and, does that help your pain? I didn't think so, well I have to go. Good Luck"

So, Isn't that just the gosh darn truth? Just because we can see the pain, doesn't mean we can fix it. She was being so cute, in fact...surprise, surprise, ALL of the kids were being so cute. Playing hide and seek together, then playing house, then playing doctor (with ALL of their clothes on.) and they weren't fighting, much. Or tattle-taleing, often. But they were having fun. Ohohohohoh! AND these three kids actually cleaned up the mess that they had created in the basement family room. ALL BY THEMSELVES! Seriously. And it was GOOD. Of course, what they don't realize is that performing to such a high capacity has now officially raised the standard of expectation for what they are able to do.Yes-sir-re-bob!

I love these fleeting moments that bring hope into my heart. I love the chance to smother the kids with praise for playing so well together and - getting along. A happy heart is the best kind of heart to have and so often, as a Mom, our hearts are filled with worry or sorrow or quilt. But the Lord has promised and taught "behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have."

I've seen it over and over again. Once I think I have one of the kids figured out, they go and (gasp!) change. Once I feel like I am finally getting the hang of things someone gets sick (ugh!) So learn the lesson now, and save yourself from the pain of losing whatever you had already been given. I suppose that if we spend our lives on our knees in prayer, seeking for more ways we can do better, thanking HIM for what we already have. Then keep plugging away, one day at a time. And when your family has an evening that seems to be more rare than you'd like, acknowledge his hand in allowing that blessing to come to pass, and then humbly ask what more we can do. Because "After all, Tomorrow is Another Day."

As that famous philosopher, Anonymous, says, “Life is all about Plan B.”

2009-12-04T16:45:00.000-07:00

What better time for a tribute to my FAVORITE artist than a cold, snowless day in December? Mind you, I am NOT complaining about the lack of snow, in fact I'm thrilled that this afternoon will not consist of taking 30 minutes to bundle up the kiddos in order for them to go out and play for 10 minutes and then tromp back in "freezing" and beg for the hot-chocolate that I keep forgetting to buy at Costco. Yes, today is a PERFECT day to remind the world where to find lots, and lots, and lots of color. Since it can't be found out the window, let hope you can find it inside - everywhere!

Mary Engelbreit is FAMOUS, and amazing, and my inspiration for so many things, especially having to do with decorating, artwork and how to look at life. If there were ONE word used to describe her work it would be COLOR! Everything she produces is saturated with color! So much, in fact, that I recall reading in her biography that at that time, she owned every marker that had been produced. She started drawing very, very early and her wise Mother took notice of her talent and encouraged her to the point that if her siblings were complaining that Mary wasn't working, her Mother would tell them to leave her alone...."Mary's Drawing."

Yesterday I was popped into a Deseret Bookstore to grab a clock that they had on sale and though I was on a severe time crunch I decided to look around and see if anything else sparked my interest enough to buy with my birthday gift-card from my McLean Grandparents. What did I find on a spinnie-thingy? THIS ↓

Did I even have to think about it? Nope! Not even for a second. I've used her desk calendar twice in the past and I love the artwork so much that I won't throw them away (or recycle, ahem.). This calendar is my life in a nutshell. In fact, on her website, the first sentence in the product description says,

"Some artists use a canvas to create masterpieces, but others use their home as their medium for displaying their artistic talent."

What are the chances? Just about a month ago I was walking around "Color Me Mine" art studio in downtown Ogden with a friend - we were exploring the possibility of developing this new area of artistic talent - painting our own pottery. She commented that I must be the artsy type and while laughing I assured her that I was as much as an amature at pottery painting as she was! Then I suggested that perhaps I should choose the largest platter in the shop and eventually go smaller since my artists' canvas up to this point in my life has been the walls of my home. Heehee! My hands shake! Painting little things is difficult and required a TON of concentration, but I DO LOVE to PAINT MY WALLS!!! So much, in fact, that I've quite grown to detest white walls, or countertops, etc.

What does this have to do with GOOD FAMILY LIVING? I believe that your home really IS your canvas. Especially if you own a home and can do what you want when it comes to color. There are no rules out there for what shade your living room should be. There are always trends, you know, the popular colors that are inspiring and fun for a couple of years before they are outdated. PAINT WHAT YOU LIKE! Paint what makes you happy to look at! What makes you feel good inside? What I like and what you like will be two different things but no matter what, don't be afraid of color! Paint will give you the biggest bang for your buck and it's also one of the easiest things to change. So if you go for RED and it ends up being the wrong shade. Do it again. Practice makes perfect. The more you paint in your home, the faster you will get.

For the sake of this post, AND for the purpose of this blog serving as a family journal I've included some pictures of our last home. It was our FIRST HOME!! (That we bought, not rented.) I was so excited to paint that I spent a day with Kurt's Grandma Jensen painting the kids rooms before we moved in!

See? It's not Decorators Magazine worthy, but

it sure was fun!

Mary Engelbreit. Amazing, Colorful, sigh...just what

a drab day in winter needs.

I just read her latest blog post

and laughed outloud. So if you

need some cheer, like a free

desktop background, or if you

want to just look at happy

artwork, go to her website - and

SMILE, and be happy - because, you know what they say...........