Silly Saturday

Happy Saturday!!!!!

Beautiful weather, beautiful life. Beautiful blessings, Beautiful Strife.

THAT is my poem for the day. If you were to ask my kids they would tell you that I love to speak in rhyme. I'm pretty sure that I came down with the 'rhyming condition' from watching "Barney's Mother Goose". I highly recommend it.

One of the things that I MOST appreciate finding waiting in my email inbox is anything that will make me, literally, laugh out loud. Who DOESN'T need a little more laughter in their life? My parents are the top senders and I LOVE them for it. I've often said that the one noise in life that can make just about anyone smile is the sound of a babies laughter. Or children's. Or our own.

So the question is....when was the last time you heard yourself laugh? Read the post below and then MAKE A COMMENT, ADD YOUR OWN PONDERISM, or just  post 'lol'. I know you're out there. The numbers are showing me that you are reading so SAY SOMETHING......pretty please?

Ponderisms........

*I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

*The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

*There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.


*Health, is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

*The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

*Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

*Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

*Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

*All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.


*In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. 

Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it look normal

*How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, 

but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

*Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,

 "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

*Who was the first person to say,

 "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its behind.

*Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

*Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

*******

Comment, comment, comment......come on ya'll.

 It's Saturday, you have 30 seconds.

 I KNOW IT :)

Sunglasses down the d-r-a-i-n....

Dang!

I really liked those sunglasses.

The Baby liked them too.

He also likes toilets.

A lot.

We have signs on the bathroom doors reminding the big kids to close the door

We have latch hooks on the outside of the door so that Baby can't get in

Unless someone leaves the door open.

His facination with toilets is getting expensive.

It already cost us a glass cooktop

(Imagine Mom cooking dinner and having to stop, drop and RUN to the bathroom for the 5th time that day. Then imagine the metal spoon in Mom's hand hitting the top of the stove in frustration. Follow that with the gasp of horror when Mom comes back into the kitchen and sees the hole in the glass. Yep. Fun Times.)

We Thought he was going to grow up to be an electrical engineer due to his facination with electrical sockets, desire to try and stick things in them and ability to remove the baby proofers (yeah right.)

Maybe he's going to be a plumber......nah.

 He'll save the world with new methods of hand disinfection techniques,

Yeah.

Awesome.

Then, perhaps he will pay us back for replacing that stove.

And my sunglasses.

I See a Light!

Wow! What a difference a date makes. The date I'm speaking of is my.......surgery date! Tada! Friday, or was it Thursday (?) My Dr's office called to schedule a full, abdominal, hysterectomy for Tuesday March 9th. It's the light at the end of the tunnel, and though I'm not crazy about going under the knife I am sooooo ready to live a life w/o pain all of the time. Wahoo!

By the way....any of you women know someone out there who has celebrated the removal of her uterus? Haha....I do! For years, when my Mom's "time of the month" would roll around she would exclaim "ugh! I've been trying to quit for years!!" Haha! When she got the word that circumstances would require the surgery, she went out to dinner to celebrate! How funny is that? Why not? If you KNOW you are done having babies - just take it all out - right? I understand...but there is still that part of me that is sad to see my baby-maker gone.

Speaking of seeing.....(disclaimer: do not read the following paragraph if you are easily grossed out - k-?)

Last night I was talking to my Mom on the phone and I told her that I want to have the Dr. save my 'parts' so that I can see them.  Wouldn't you be the least bit curious? I mean, this is part of my BODY that I've carried around since gestation, it's the part of my body that has grown my four children, so yeah, I want to see. I joked with my Mom that maybe I should take a picture to post it on my blog, LOL! She got really quiet and said "Do you really want to tell everyone about your private stuff?" to which I replied with an explination of blogging in 2010 and how one of the benifits of being honest about the crap in your life is that 1. others will empathize with  you, 2. you may educate someone who is looking for help, and 3. you make friends in the weirdest places!

I doubt that I will post a picture of my ovaries and uterus on this blog. Then again....

I should say here - for the record - 

When I was in Kindergarten I had my tonsils out.

I asked the Dr. to save them for me so that I could see them.

He did, and presented them to me in a clear jar floating in saline.

I took them home and showed them to my Kindergarten teacher (Linda Coray) when she came to visit.

Then, when I was better, I took them to school for show and tell.

No Joke.

Anybody want to see? Hahaha! Seriously, I am cracking myself up here. But I'm serious.

PS. My blog counter seems to be telling me that I'm having a few visitors. Thanks for stopping by :)

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES!

My Mom sent this to me one day last week, then called me and had me read it outloud to her over the phone. I haven't laughed so hard in a while. It took me a bit to get over using the word 'laxatives' on my blog, so consider this your warning if you are reading this.

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

Remember....Laughter is the best medicine....and sometimes it's all you've got!

Tough Love vs. SPANKING!!

Oh! How I WISH sometimes I wouldn't be hauled away to jail for trying this method of getting through to one of our kids! Kurt just sent me this email and gave me a much appreciated laugh-out-loud. And if there is one thing I love, it's a reason to laugh in the middle of a 'same as usual' day - feel free to share the link to this page and give someone else a light-hearted reason to smile at a subject matter that usually just causes gray hair :)


Tough Love vs. Spanking - Good Argument


Most of the American populace thinks it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of 'those moments.'

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

Some say it's the vibration from the car, others say it's the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, IPod, etc.

Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together. The eye to eye contact helps a lot too.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

Sincerely,

Your Friend and fellow Parent
 

 
(Disclaimer: This is a joke and anyone who takes it seriously must have kids just like mine. Therapy, drugs, chocolate or running away have helped to keep me from resorting to these kind of humorous tactics. Remember: this is a JOKE, wink, wink!   ----Nicole)
(Oh, yes - I have no idea whom to give credit to for this email, since it was forwarded to my super hot Prince Charming who then sent it to me. So whoever you are...I don't take credit, but I do thank you for the idea! ----Nicole)