Crazy or Lazy Days?

10 days post-op and what do I find? The hardest part of this whole surgery thing is missing my kids! Who would have thought. I'm the same as every other Mom - I've had lots of Mom days when I wish the craziness would just stop and be over. But I miss it. All of it. I miss picking up the baby and breaking up the kids bickering. I miss taking them to school and bringing them home. I can hear the kids running around downstairs doing all of the normal things - with the addition of some outrageous things (thanks to the 'norm' being tossed out the window) and I miss being a part of it all.
It's so true what they say, the grass is always greener on the other side - hopefully I will be able to live out each day MORE grateful for what is going on in the present. How often have you been told "This too shall pass."? The bad will pass away, and so will the good.
Short post. I was so pleased to look in my in-box and see so many comments from friends! New friends from SITS (I can't wait to check out your blogs when I can sit up to the comp. for longer than 20 minutes) and old friends! THANKS!

Spring is HERE!!!

Home From the Hospital

Tuesday morning Kurt and I woke up feeling excited for the day ahead. I don't think I've ever felt excited for surgery but this day promised to be the start of my return to life without daily pain.
My anxiety rose throught the morning and by the time we reached the hospital at 1:30pm I was pretty much a wreak, chattering non-stop about whatever was going on. I asked anyone who attended to me if I was going to die, they were all very encouraging, and personable. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I LOVE McKay Dee Hospital! I've never had a bad experience there and I've never met a nurse I didn't like.
Details will follow, eventually. For now, I'm just grateful to be able to post that we've had many miracles this week. The surgery went perfectly. I was released from the hospital just 2 days later.

The greatest miracle to me what seeing the peace and contentment that was present in our home while I was away. Every time I was on the phone with Kurt or one of the kids, the noises in the background were happy. None of the kids called me to whine or cry that they missed me. Kurt was calm every day - it was obvious that the Lord was taking care of our family.  My Dad (Papa Bear to the Kids) arrived Tuesday afternoon and helped kurt give me a blessing, and my Mom (Grammy to the kids) came over as soon as she got off of work. This pattern would continue through the week with Mom and Dad coming in the late afternoon and helping Kurt with the kids and homework and laundry until bedtime was over and they drove home to collapse into bed! I have been continually amazed and soooo grateful that they are so close to help during this time in our family. They just moved to East Layton in January (from Spanish Fork) and it's such a novelty to have them only 15 minutes away! They have been continually supporting, encouraging and helpful and they truly are our guardian angles! I came home on Thursday and my Mom came up and laid on the bed by me to visit while she ate some dinner. Then she laid back on the bed and I fell asleep for a minute. When I woke up she had her hand on my arm and was sleeping too, so we took a little nap together! I've told my girls many times "Sometimes even Mommy needs her Mommy!" (And her Daddy too!)

I am so touched and overwhelmed by the love that our congregation has shown us also. We've had meals coming in all week, another who wants to come and clean our bathrooms once a week while I recover. I had 5 different visitors in the hospital and countless people who have stopped and asked how they can help. Notes of encouragement and hugs of comfort. The Lord has taught that "inasmuch as ye do this unto the least of these my brethern, ye do it unto me." To all of those who have served as the Lord's hands in blessing our lives we give our thanks and send our prayers of gratitude to heaven on your behalf. Words can't begin to describe the feeling that makes our hearts feel full of the Saviors love. Brought one drop at a time by our friends and family and neighbors, through freezer meals, car rides, cookies, a good book, a light to follow or a simple phone call in the middle of a busy day.

We love you!              THINK SPRING!!!

PS My doctor wouldn't save my parts so that I could see. Apparently there are laws now that classify removed organs as a bio-hazard. Hoowhee! you should have seen the look on her face when I asked her though! She said she's never been asked that before....LOL! Seriously, sometimes I crack myself up!

I See a Light!

Wow! What a difference a date makes. The date I'm speaking of is my.......surgery date! Tada! Friday, or was it Thursday (?) My Dr's office called to schedule a full, abdominal, hysterectomy for Tuesday March 9th. It's the light at the end of the tunnel, and though I'm not crazy about going under the knife I am sooooo ready to live a life w/o pain all of the time. Wahoo!

By the way....any of you women know someone out there who has celebrated the removal of her uterus? Haha....I do! For years, when my Mom's "time of the month" would roll around she would exclaim "ugh! I've been trying to quit for years!!" Haha! When she got the word that circumstances would require the surgery, she went out to dinner to celebrate! How funny is that? Why not? If you KNOW you are done having babies - just take it all out - right? I understand...but there is still that part of me that is sad to see my baby-maker gone.

Speaking of seeing.....(disclaimer: do not read the following paragraph if you are easily grossed out - k-?)

Last night I was talking to my Mom on the phone and I told her that I want to have the Dr. save my 'parts' so that I can see them.  Wouldn't you be the least bit curious? I mean, this is part of my BODY that I've carried around since gestation, it's the part of my body that has grown my four children, so yeah, I want to see. I joked with my Mom that maybe I should take a picture to post it on my blog, LOL! She got really quiet and said "Do you really want to tell everyone about your private stuff?" to which I replied with an explination of blogging in 2010 and how one of the benifits of being honest about the crap in your life is that 1. others will empathize with  you, 2. you may educate someone who is looking for help, and 3. you make friends in the weirdest places!

I doubt that I will post a picture of my ovaries and uterus on this blog. Then again....

I should say here - for the record - 

When I was in Kindergarten I had my tonsils out.

I asked the Dr. to save them for me so that I could see them.

He did, and presented them to me in a clear jar floating in saline.

I took them home and showed them to my Kindergarten teacher (Linda Coray) when she came to visit.

Then, when I was better, I took them to school for show and tell.

No Joke.

Anybody want to see? Hahaha! Seriously, I am cracking myself up here. But I'm serious.

PS. My blog counter seems to be telling me that I'm having a few visitors. Thanks for stopping by :)

Nie Nie and Me

The other night I was having another bad night. The kind of night where I was feeling bad for myself and had been wishing I were dead rather than live for another moment with the pain and humiliation that comes with a disease that causes chronic pain. I had a long talk with my Dad, who understands chronic pain very well, and he opened my eyes to several things including what an amazing person he is. (which I already knew!) That evening though, I was still feeling awful so I decided to check out Stephanie Nielsen (Nie Nie) and see how she was handling her day. Needless to say she and I felt some things that were quite similar, like the discontent that comes from hanging out in bed while your children go about their normal day without you. But for the most part, she has it worse by 1000x more than I ever could - and I went to bed feeling grateful. Grateful that Stephanie was home from the hospital. Grateful to feel this funny connection for a person that I had never met. Grateful that I am only dealing with endometriosis and not trying to recover from a near fatal plane crash. Grateful for people who are willing to put their lives out on their blogs for the whole world to see and grateful for the perspective of the restored gospel that gives millions of people hope in a dark world.

This was two nights ago. On the morning of that same day I read a scripture that I'd read tons of times before but for some reason the meaning of the words hit me with NEW meaning and it seemed so obvious that I couldn't believe that I hadn't seen it before:

In the Scriptures it says:

 And again, I command thee that thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife; nor seek thy neighbor’s life.

Doctrine and Covenants section 19:25

When I've read this scripture before, the first thought I've had about the second sentence was "don't kill your neighbor" - right? Well, when I read this the other day the second sentence made me think about how often we, as women, wish that our lives were like so and so's. We wish that our husband were like Jane's and that our house was as big as Mary's and that our children were as well behaved as Lizzy's. How many people, I wondered, had wished and even sought to have a life like Stephanie Nielson did before her crash? If you haven't browsed through her blog or read the article in the AZ newspaper that details her accident, Click Here. Her life seemed perfect, even she felt like it was as good as it could get - but if  you had to go through her trials, would you really want her blessings?

It's a lesson for our times ladies. I just popped on over to her post for today and even Nie spent part of today wishing for "Ms. Jones" life. Understandable wouldn't you say? She inspires me, and I hope that somehow she knows that no matter how monotonous her days seem to her, they inspire me, and lots of women like me....like maybe you? Sending our love and prayers your way, Stephanie Nielsen.

Playdough and Percocet ;)

Praying for Spring, Playing with Color....!

Think spring....think spring....it will work, one of these days. Munchkin likes to point out that we need snow so that we have water to fill up the swimming pools in the summer. Last night, with her second-grade reasoning she told me that it would be okay if we didn't get more snow because with all of our water jugs in the basement, we could just use some of those to fill up the pool! Haha. Excatly what Kurt and I were thinking when we filled those up, put a little bleach inside and marked a date---swimming:)

Last week I was looking for something new for the kids to do and decided to make some playdough. I pulled out what I had recorded as "The Best Playdough Recipe" and my cake decorating supplies and set to work cooking up our first batch. Now, there are a million play-doh recipes out there and I tried many of them before settling on this one, it was so fast and easy that I ended up measuring out as many batches as I could for how much salt I had on hand.

I used some GEL icing colors that I  bought a couple of summers ago at a yard sale for an awesome price. Most of them were fairly dried out and gummy but since I could scrape some out and drop it in the pan at the beginning of the cooking process it melted and then distributed evenly.

SO FUN!!! SO COLORFUL!!!

I think that I had more fun making it just to look at the colors than anything. and....

the kids have played with it for HOURS.

Notice that the pink has a little purple swirled in? That was Bug who got ahold of two colors at a time. Call me uptight but I'm one of those Mom's that wants the playdough to remain colorful for more than five minutes. I spent some time showing the kids how to use different colors together without smashing them together so that they can still be pulled apart. The got the hang of it and 10 days later, we still have bright, vibrant colors :)

Here is JD's creation. I don't remember what he said it was, but it was fun! Here are some reasons that I love this recipe:

1. The oil in it makes it super smooth and it's NOT STICKY, it also keeps it from drying out.

2. Most kids are tempted to TRY and eat playdough, not that I blame them, it's so yummy looking. But this recipe has LOTS and lots of SALT in it - hence, detering most kids. I say MOST because in our house, who ended up trying to eat the most playdough? My almost EIGHT year old daughter! The same child who tries to put tons of salt on her veggies, lick the salt shaker, and snitch from spills on the counter. Sigh!

3. Adding a little bit of mexican vanilla makes it smell GOOD! I've thought about adding a little coconut extract, or orange, or lemon....mmmmm!

Click HERE to view or print our favorite Playdough Recipe!

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES!

My Mom sent this to me one day last week, then called me and had me read it outloud to her over the phone. I haven't laughed so hard in a while. It took me a bit to get over using the word 'laxatives' on my blog, so consider this your warning if you are reading this.

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

Remember....Laughter is the best medicine....and sometimes it's all you've got!

Pregnant? Oh please no.....

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. I think. I think it was a dream, well, at this point in my life it would seem more like a nightmare, but it was around 3am when I got up to go potty and take some pain medicine. I laid in bed for the next hour and a half contemplating what another pregnancy would mean for our family. Firstly, I'm pretty sure Kurt would break something, or at least put his hand through one of our walls. He might swear once or twice, and then he would be really, really quiet for a few days - all the while, I would be talking and talking and trying to make things seem okay, even though inside I was dying. Then I would get mad at him for not having a better attitude and I would remind him who was going to spend the next several months sick. I thought about this for a little while.

Then I thought about how many people I know who would give anything to have a baby. I thought about how ironic it is that people seldom get what they want, when they want it. I thought about some close friends who have tried for three years to get pregnant and finally are (!) but still cautious because the thought of miscarriage is always there. I thought about one of my favorite blog designers, April Durham, and her public battle to have a baby - and the countless others that I know who would do anything for a little person to join their family. A little blessing and all of the diapers and sleepless nights and joyful moments that accompany that blessing.

Then I thought about my favorite moments in my life and how they were the four moments when each of my children were born. There is NOTHING that compares to holding a new little spirit so fresh from heaven, the smell, the feel of tinyness, everything. And a part of me hoped, just for a moment, that perhaps my dream was really one more of those moments in my life when the spirit has spoken to me in a way that only I can understand.

Those happy thoughts were quickly replaced with memories of years of post-partum depression that are over and in the past. It's a chapter of my life that I've closed with a sigh of relief, happy to never walk through that valley again. I've said before, and I'll say it again, if Post-Partum Depression weren't a part of the baby package for me I would have more children. But it's gotten worse with every pregnancy and there comes a point when you know that it's enough. I don't want to do that one again. I don't want my family to have to deal with everything that accompanies it either. Life is crazy right now, especially because they already have a Mom who is in pain most of the time. To add to that craziness would be....crazy! Loud, happy kids run around our home right now and wish for spring. They are loud, Mom and Dad say shhh, even when there isn't a reason to (habit you know!) and it's okay. Add one more to the mix and we may lose our minds...literally !

Of course I'll be watching for the tale-tell signs of NOT pregnant, but since I had a D/C during my surgery last Dec. 16th my cycle is all messed up. oooh the suspense :P

Surgery Tomorrow

So FUN!! (not:)


Just thought I'd let you all know that I will be going in for out-patient surgery on Wednesday of this week. (Dec. 16th) After lots of testing and ruling other things out, my 'WoMaN dOcTeR' believes that I have a pretty bad case of endometriosis. If you want to know what that is, CLICK HERE ! Hopefully I'll have some relief from the constant, annoying pain that I've been dealing with for months now. Prayers are appreciated!! That's the main reason for even putting this on a blog. I believe in the power of prayer and since I'd like to make it out of this alive, and I'd like my kids to make it out of  4-5 days sans Mom alive, we need your prayers. Not that I was implying that Kurt can't take care of the kids....because he can - very, very well.
 

Merry Christmas!

P.S My baby is walking, everywhere. Does that mean he's now a toddler instead of my baby? (tears!) Don't say it,

I don't want to know.

Lies of The Adversary

We all know how damaging Satan's lies are to our society....or do we? The first time I saw this commercial from Dove I was blown away!  When I take the time to sit down and think about the media's influence on my life, of course I know that it's filled with a false portrayal of beauty, or rather I think of the unrealistic standard of beauty. However, on a normal day on the road or in the doctors' office those aren't the thoughts that automatically cross my mind. Satan is so LOUD and CONVINCING that when I see the billboards and magazines my initial thought is more along the lines of, "How did they get that skinny" or "I LOVE her hair!" and of course those thoughts naturally turn to self-depreciating, coveteous thoughts. It's AWFUL!!
Enter Dove Evolution of Beauty Commercial and a loud wake-up call. When you watch it you will understand, so I really don't need to go into the details here.
Here is the big thinker question though: If satan is so good at making us, and especially our daughters paint an unrealistic, worldly picture of what beauty is in our mind; and if a commercial source like Dove is willing to put MILLIONS of dollars into a real-beauty campaign, don't we, as Mothers have an obligation to help it succeed? I really think that sometimes the hand of the Lord is made manifest in unexpected ways. More than just a sunday-school lesson on divine nature or on accepting everyone, regardless, this Dove Campaign is a real-life, straight from the world, tool.
As I sat in front of the computer with my kids a couple of hours ago and observed their reactions to the commercial, I noticed a few different things. For my youngest watcher, silence. From my 5 1/2 year old boy, Whoa! That's crazy!! From my 7 1/2 year old daughter, surprise, a request to watch it again, and then a hug. That's it. Not a lot was said until I told E. (daughter) that I was totally amazed when I first saw it. Then I said something like "it sure makes me feel better!". Then she climbed on my lap to give me a hug and said "oh, Mom, you are beautiful." Smile.

Dove - Evolution Commercial (higher quality)

Reginald Pike's Yael Staav takes us from model to billboard in under 60 seconds in this impressive new spot from Dove.

In the end, it comes down to our responsibility as parents to teach our children that our bodies are sacred, that each person is different and that that's okay. We need to teach our children, by our words and actions that we love and appreciate our bodies. No matter what. What ARE YOU teaching your children about body image and appreciation for their bodies? What are your own beliefs concerning your body? Are they in line with the Savior's teachings or are they in line with Satan's lies.

Ask yourself these questions:

1. Do I believe that a person is better/worse of a person if they are fat, or have acne, or too old, etc.?

2. Will everyone be thin in heaven?

3. Do my children hear me complain about my weight, or skin or hair? Do they hear me make comments about other people's weight, or skin, or hair? Or is the subject of weight a closed topic?

4. Am I willing to allow the world to teach my children what is/isn't acceptable when it comes to body type? Do I acknowledge that teaching my children to despise certain body types may be considered one of the "sins be upon the heads of their parents"? Am I willing to accept that responsibilty along with the outcome of my chilren's perception?

5. How can I do better? Now. Today.

True stories:

One day this past spring, I was invited to a play-group with several Mom's from our neighborhood. During the 'adult' conversation that took place while the kids were playing, one of the Mom's told a story that had happened recently. She spoke about one of her little boys snuggling up to her and sighing happily as he said "oh Mom! I don't think you'll ever get fat!". First of all, no one said anything but most of the other Mom's laughed a polite, uncomfortable laugh. I really don't know if their embarrasment was for HER or for ME.

Though I would have liked to put them at ease on my end by assuring them that I was sooo NOT offended, I didn't say anything either. Why wasn't I offended? Obviously the heaviest person in the group, maybe I should have been, or maybe not. This was a subject that I was all too familiar with, having been 'too big' since the age of eight, it was also a subject that I had been given an eternal perspective of and tesitimony to go with it. At this point in my life it's NOT about looks, or peer-pressure (nice to see that some of us haven't changed since Jr. High ;) it's about overcoming a weakness of the flesh, of being grateful for the body that is a gift to me, that has given me four beautiful children.  It's about my health, and raising my children to not be prejudice against anyone, black, white, tall, short, skinny, FAT; because really people, will I be kept from Heaven if I haven't reached a size 8?

In my opinion, the embarrasment was on her end. Mostly, I felt pity. Pity for her and for her children, and for other parents like her who are strengthening Satan's attack on our most precious gift, our bodies. I wish now that I had said something, and if I could go back, I would. I would say what I am writing in this blog post, but I can't go back, none of us really can - we have to fight the good fight here, today, with our own children. One of the other Mom's who was present was so sweet. The next time I saw her she complimented me on something, my shirt, I think; and she asked if I had lost weight. I just laughed and said thank you and 'no'. I certainly wasn't go into the medications I've been on the past several years that make losing weight almost impossible, and I wasn't going to go into the lessons that I've learned throughout my lifetime, or how she didn't have to feel bad for me because of another Mom's shallow comments. She was sweet, and concerned, and one of those beautiful Mom's who come to their baby blessings looking like they never had a baby in the first place.

The size we are is influenced by lots of factors beginning with our genetic makeup; who we are, who we really are is a child of God. Divine, eternal, glorious and beautiful. We have been taught that our goal in this life is to enter into the next unspotted from the world. If that is so, how are we doing in our living and teaching when it comes to our bodies?